


Glade House

by HollowHearted



Category: The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types, The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Alternate Universe - BDSM, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blindfolds, But also, Coming Out, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dom Newt, Dom/sub, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Time, First Time Bottoming, Gay Newt, Gay Sex, Gay Thomas, Gentle Kissing, Gentle Sex, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I don't know wtf this is to be honest, If I think of any, Light Bondage, M/M, Nightmares, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Abuse, Safe Sane and Consensual, Safeword Use, Safewords, Sub Thomas, Subspace, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, What Have I Done, kinda slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-14
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-03-21 02:58:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 38,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13731672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HollowHearted/pseuds/HollowHearted
Summary: Thomas and Teresa, cousins/best friends, are starting college, but they need somewhere to stay. What is the mysterious Glade House that they've heard mentioned?When they discover the answer, Thomas's world is flipped upside down.





	1. Application

"Okay, so, where are we, even?" Teresa asked. She made that weird sideways scrunched up face she always did when she was tired and annoyed.

"Oak Street. The college is that way," I said, pointing. 

"Yeah, okay. We're never going to find a house, are we?" She sighed, hands on hips. 

"Let's walk around campus. Maybe we'll run into someone who knows of a place."

We'd been looking for a place to rent for three days, spending valuable money on hotel rooms. I was tired, Teresa was tired, and all the houses were taken or not what we needed. At this point we might have to settle for something inadequate.

We met a group of six or seven students as we made our way to the college, and I stopped them.

"Excuse us, we're new and we're looking for a house or apartments to rent. Do you guys know of anything?"

Most of them shook their heads and moved on, but a strawberry blonde girl gave us an appraising once-over. She frowned. 

"I'll mention you to the Keepers. If they think they'll consider you, someone will find you soon." 

And then she was gone. 

"The hell was that supposed to mean? Who are the Keepers?" I asked. 

"How would I know? Sounds like a damn cult to me." 

We kept going. Outside the main building we met another group of students. When asked the same question as the other group, none of them had any suggestions we hadn't already tried. Except for a mousy haired guy with a southern accent, who mentioned the Keepers. 

The same thing happened with the next group, and we stopped asking. 

"What's with these Keeper people?" I asked, frustratedly flopping onto a bench. Teresa sat beside me, shaking her head. 

We sat there for a few minutes, until a rather althletic Asian guy who was jogging down the path stopped in front of us. He looked at us skeptically. 

"You the shanks looking for a house?" he asked, not even breathing hard. 

"Uh, yeah, that's us," I said, standing up.

"I'm Minho," he said, sticking a hand out. 

"Thomas. This is my cousin Teresa." He had a very firm grip.

"Nice to meet you. Freshmen, I take it?" At my nod he continued. "Well, Sonya, Aris, and Ben all mentioned you, so here are the applications. Someone will be around to get them from you tomorrow." 

He fished around in his backpack and pulled out two sheets of paper. No, two copies of something that had been typed out. It was several pages long and stapled together. He handed one to each of us. 

"Answer the questions honestly. You'll hear from us in maybe two or three days after we get them back. These things take time, you know." "Why can't we just find you?" I asked. He laughed. "You don't find Glade House, it finds you. See you shanks around." 

We gaped after him as he jogged away.

"What the actual hell?" 

"I don't know, Tom. I just don't." 

I didn't even glance the thing over before I got to the hotel, wanting to be in some sort of safe place. This whole day had been just too weird. 

**Glade House Application**

**Name:**

**Age:**

**Year at School:**

Okay, this seemed normal enough.

**Major:**

**Interests in School:**

**Extra-curricular Activites?**

**Job, if any:**

**Living at Glade House**

**Could you afford $300 a month, plus housekeeping, etc. with all utilites paid?**

**Are you willing to help out with housework and maintainance?**

**Are you willing to put up with housemates, all following the same rules?**

Are you willing to have a roomate?

**On this scale, how well can you cook?  
I will poison you: _ I'm really good at making burned up goo:_ I can cook simple stuff: _ I am a good cook: _ You heard of Gordon Ramsey? I taught him to cook: _**

I snickered.

**Can you do laundry with conventional machines?**

**Can you wash dishes?**

**Housekeeping skills?  
I can sweep: _ I can do basic housework: _ I'm a clean freak and will work nonstop if you get me started: _ **

**Gardening?  
What's that: _ I can water plants: _ I'm an okay gardener: _ I have a neon green thumb: _**

**General maintainance?  
Uh, no: _ Like changing lightbulbs: _ Yeah, I'd say I'm pretty good at fixing things: _ I could build a house right now: _ **

**Personal Information  
Please note that we do not discriminate. We have a wide diversity at Glade House. This information simply helps us not to accidentally offend someone or make assumptions. **

**Gender:**

**Race:**

**Nationality:**

**Sexuality:  
Please note that if you are uncomfortable sharing this information, you may skip this question. However, we DO NOT discriminate and you will be welcome in Glade House no matter what your sexuality is. If you wish this information to remain private, simply say so and the Keepers won't share it. Your secrets are safe with us.**

Thank goodness. I was closeted. Well, sort of. Depends on how you look at my past. I came out in high school and decided not to try that again in college. Now I didn't have to lie. But would they simply figure it out by my skipping it? I sighed in frustration. Who were the damn Keepers?! Could I really trust them?

I read through the rest of the application. It asked for a brief family history, description of my life at high school, and some other questions about my past. I bit my lip. This wasn't really stuff I wanted to share. Then there was the section about hobbies and musical abilities, etc. The section about mental issues, addictions, etc. I thought it best to put down that I had frequent nightmares, if we did fill them out.

Someone knocked on my door. "Tom, it's me."

I let her in.

"What do you think of this application? Are you going to fill it out?"

"I don't think we have much choice unless we want one of those ghetto looking houses on Oak Street."

"It seems awful shady."

"I dunno. Some of the information is a bit weird, but since we would have housemates, maybe roomates, I'm not sure, that they want to make sure you're a decent person. I mean, I'd be selective about roomates, too. I think I'm going to fill it out."

"I guess I will, too."

We filled them out together. 

"Are you going to tell them you're gay?"

I groaned. "I don't know. You're the only one who knows, now. If you don't count my parents."

"Who are the reason you're paying your own way through college."

"Exactly. Some of this stuff isn't stuff I want to share, but supposedly these Keeper people keep your secrets. Maybe that's why they're called Keepers..."

"Hm. Interesting theory. They say they're an indiscriminating community, so I think you should tell them, and ask them not to share it until we see what it's like."

I nodded and finished the application, wincing as I set the pen down. There was a lot of information in there that I didn't want a whole lot of people knowing about.

We turned in early. 

The next morning the mousy haired guy took the applications from us and said someone would find us in a couple days.

We spent those days looking at the other houses again. Most of the problem was that for some strange reason, the neighborhoods around the college were not very good neighborhoods. We saw the Glade House kids we'd met a few times. 

Finally, Asian guy jogged up to us one evening. "Congratulations, shanks. You've been accepted. I'll help you with your luggage."

We went back to our hotel and he helped us carry some of our stuff to a huge stone house I'd thought was part of the college. Some kids were taking care of the grounds, including the strawberry blonde. She waved to us.

"This is Glade House. Newt or Alby will explain stuff to you, I'm just here to help you move. I'm Minho, by the way."

It took several trips and I wondered about the lack of a car to haul stuff. It sure would make things easier. I also wondered about Newt and Alby. Who were they?

We took the last of our stuff into the lobby. The place was huge. It was like some BBC Drama mansion. Wow.

A dark-skinned boy with short cropped hair approached us. "I'm Alby. I'd give you the tour, but I've got to settle Chuck in upstairs. Find Newt and Harriet, would you, Minho? I thought they were helping the Track-Hoes out back." 

Minho nodded and promptly disappeared. 

"So, weird situation, I know. Newt will explain everything to you," he spoke directly to me. "And Harriet will explain everything to you. Just wait here, they'll be here in a few." 

And he disappeared. Teresa and I shared a look.

"Hi, I'm Newt," an English accented voice from behind me stated. Teresa smirked at me before I turned around to have my breath taken away. How did this angel find himself here? Surely he should be playing the harp and floating on a cloud or something.

"Um, yeah, hi. I'm Thomas." I shook his offered hand, melting inside as the little smile on his perfect face grew.

"Nice to meet ya, Greenie. You're rooming with me, so let's get your stuff upstairs." 

What? Rooming with _him?!?!?!!?_ I wouldn't make it two weeks without falling in love, I was sure of it. I sent Teresa a helpless glance as I picked up some of my stuff. She simply smirked and waggled her eyebrows. 

I followed him upstairs, definitely not watching his ass the entire time.


	2. Information

The house was huge. Newt and I lived in the third floor, but the staircase went higher. The more I saw the more I realized, this was a fucking good deal. $300 and a little work for a palace? Hell yeah. 

"This is our room here," Newt said, balancing the box he was carrying on his hip to open the door. He motioned me in with a little smirk. 

The room was about the size of my parent's kitchen and living room put together, and there were two queen sized beds, four-posters with curtains, one on each side of the room. Complete with nightstands. There was a walk-in closet on each side of the room, too. I half expected to see a giant marble fireplace. Some luggage, presumably Newt's, was in the floor, neatly arranged.

"Bloody gorgeous, innit? It'll feel homier once you've been here a while, Greenie."

I tried not to lose myself in his voice. "Yeah, it's beautiful." 

"Well, let's get the rest of your stuff."

We hauled everything upstairs and I had a very hard time not getting distracted by the very young looking British blond. He looked at me, the light making his hair shine like burnished gold. He smirked a little. "I am actually nineteen. The looks throw a lot of people off. You've no bloody idea how hard it was to get a driver's license." He laughed. 

"Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to stare."

"It's fine, everyone does eventually. Might as well clear it up early on. Which side of the room do you want?" 

I blinked. "Um, I dunno. Doesn't really matter to me."

"Well, I'll take this one, then. That alignment of the bed is the best for me to get a good night's sleep, according to Feng Shui. If you belive in that sort of thing." He laughed, a beautiful sound that made my heart rate pick up. And he had a beautiful smile, crinkling his eyes in the most lovely way.

"Well, Greenie." He looked at me with that little smirk again. "We've got a couple options before the party. By the way, there's a party tonight. Celebrating the start of the school year and making new friends. Anyway, we can unpack, I can show you around campus slash town, or we can sit down and I can explain the magical world of Glade House. Up to you." 

"Um, I'll go with the explanation, I think." 

"Good choice. Have a seat." He flopped down on his bed, lying on his stomach with his feet in the air like a little kid. It was adorable. 

I lay with my chin propped on my interlocked fingers, watching him.

"You, Teresa, and Brenda are the Greenies this year. Well, this semester. Occasionally we pick up a few more later on. Anyway, Greenie basically means 'newbie'. We've got our own slang here, you'll notice. It's pretty easy to pick up. We pair Greenies up with non-Greenies so that the non-Greenie can sort of mentor the Greenie. Make sense?" I nodded. "We call ourselves the Gladers. Glade Housers was too much to say. Just like we call this 'the Glade'. Alby's in charge. His family owns this house but they live across the country now. His dad's a CEO and it made more sense for them to live where his job was. But they loved this old house and didn't want it to go to someone who didn't love it, so they hung on to it. Since it's so close to the campus, they thought 'why not rent rooms to college students?' Only problem with that, college students aren't known for taking the best care of old houses. So they decided on this application thing. They have some students they know they trust go over the applications and pick people. So we're sort of an elite group."

"How do they pick?" I asked.

"We'll get to that a bit later. Anyways, we all work together, and we've got a system. We all follow the system. You don't, you get Banished, which speaks for itself. You get kicked out and you can't come back. Banishment is a last resort, though, don't worry. We won't kick you out for forgetting a little something. We're all very organized, have to be really, with this many of us. We've got the Keepers, who are in charge of going over applications before school starts, and after that they're kind of in charge of their little group of people. That group is determined by what jobs the people in it do. We all have to work together. No room for freeloaders. So we test out the Greenies, see what they're best at and feel most comfortable doing, and that's their job. We've got the Builders, who do basic repairs to the house, build any shelves or anything that we need, plumbing and stuff, and keep the treehouse in shape. You'll see the treehouse tonight. Then we've got the Med-jacks, who are the medical students who don't mind patching everyone up and looking after anyone who's sick. The Track-Hoes, who do the gardening, the Cooks, the Sloppers, who do all the scrubbing and sweeping, etc. And then we've got the Runners. Not many of us use cars. It's a good way to keep in shape, walking. But the Runners do most of the errands, getting groceries and stuff. Lots of jogging and lifting and carrying. Most of the Runners are on the track or football team at school. You'll hear all of that multiple times, so don't worry about forgetting it all. Any questions?"

"How do I know what job I get?" 

"We test you out. We've got a week before school starts, so one day every day this week you try out a job. Then at the end of the week you get assigned and your Keepers will help you from there."

I nodded. It was different, but it made sense. I loved the way his eyes lit up as he spoke, clearly passionate about the subject of life at Glade House. "What do you do?"

"I'm second-in-command. I manage the Keepers and give general reports to Alby, who passes them on to his family. Anything major I take to him. Like, a fire or something the Builders can't fix."

"So how does all this work, like, day to day?"

"Well, we work around classes and we make sure everyone has homework time, and free time, of course. There's enough of us that we can pretty much get everything done without too much stress on everyone. So, depending on when your classes are and when the other people under your Keeper's classes are, you may have morning classes, afternoon work, and evening free time, or afternoon free time and evening work, etc. You'll figure it out. Also, we accomodate work schedules, if you've got a job or get one in the future. You just have to make sure to hand in your weekly schedule and the Keepers will work around that. Oh, and we've got the girls' side, and the boys' side. They stay on one side of the house, we stay on the other. It prevents any incidents. Other than that, nothing is really segregated. Just make sure you take the right staircase coming up at night. I'll show you later. We've got one guy and one girl Keeper for each job, so that and given Glader has someone they feel can relate to them better. My second-in-command counterpart is my sister Sonya. Kinda funny we've got the same job."

He had a sister. Cool. Teresa was the closest I had to a sister. 

"And about the selection process, it's kind of complicated. We are a team, and we look for people who can strengthen the team and add something to the group. We've all got each other's backs. We've got a wide diversity here. Diversity in race, gender, sexuality, major, jobs, interests. We value that diversity. It makes us stronger. We're all completely okay with anything like that. If there's something you don't want to share with the public, but feel like you should tell your housemates, we won't tell anyone. We keep secrets unless they are pushing the law or could get someone hurt." 

So, if I told them I was gay, that wouldn't be made public...

"Anything on your application form was only seen by the Keepers and seconds-in-command. We won't share with the other Gladers if you don't want us to." I carefully scrutinized his expression, but he didn't have that knowing, judging look I was used to. He was just telling me something. I relaxed.

"Thanks."

"You can be completely honest and open here. There was something on your application I need to talk to you about, though."

My heart raced. I'd said 'prefer not to say' in the 'sexuality' section. Please not that please not that

"You said you have frequent nightmares?" 

Oh. Those. Okay, I could handle this. "Yeah, really bad sometimes. I jsut figured whoever might be rooming with me should know."

"Good that. What do I need to do?"

"Huh?" 

"If you have a nightmare, what do I need to do to take care of you? What helps calm you down?" He had an intensity to his gaze, like he was mentally recording the conversation. Like he wanted to make sure he didn't forget anything.

Oh my goodness gracious. He was cute _and_ had a heart. I was screwed.

"Um, wake me up first of all. I won't calm down in my sleep like some people. And then..." I trailed off. 

"Tommy, anything you need, you need to tell me. I can't look after you if I don't know what to do. I'm your mentor. I need to be able to take care of you." He looked so honest. Either he was the kindest person I'd ever met or he was majoring in acting or something.

I blushed a little. "Thank you. It usually helps most if someone holds me for a bit." I really didn't know what else to say. This was the truth, however intimate it might be. He'd asked and I'd answered.

"Held how? Normal hug, lying down cuddling...I know this may be tricky to talk about with a perfect stranger, but I don't want you to have a panic attack or something because I messed something up."

"Spooning, actually. Usually it was my mom or Teresa before. I'm just used to that, I guess. But, um, just normal hug would work, too..."

"Any little phrases or anything that help? Should I talk to you, or does that make it worse?"

He really took everything into account, didn't he? 

"Talking helps. Nothing really specific, I just need to be reminded of the here and now."

"Should I ask about the dream? Do you need to discuss them? Remember, anything you say to me in confidence, I tell no one. Not anyone. Not one of the Gladers, not any of the Keepers, not my sister, not Alby, even. No one."

It was always the same dream, of that....no, Thomas. Don't go there. "No, it's best if I just move on quickly." 

He nodded, understanding in his chocolate eyes. "Okay. So, step one; wake you up. Step two; spooning helps. Step three; talk to you and ground you. Step four...cup of tea? Let you go back to sleep?"

"I'm usually okay to just go back to sleep then. Thank you." 

"Don't thank me, slinthead. Just lookin' after the Greenie." He grinned, and I did, too. I couldn't help it. It was infectious. "Right, that's enough questions for one night. Come on. You, Teresa, and Brenda are supposed to be the guests of honor." 

He took me back downstairs, pointing stuff out on the way. Paintings and Keeper's rooms and the other staircase.

"You're perfectly welcome to socialize with the girls, of course, we just wanted to avoid any weird mixups, ya know? One more thing. If you're gonna have a girl or boy over for...you get my meaning, just let me know. I'll clear out for a bit. No trouble. Same goes for me, but I doubt that'll happen anytime soon." 

I blushed, grateful for the offer but also embarrassed by it. He wouldn't have to worry about that. I wasn't coming out anytime soon, and even then, who would want me? Nothing special here. I wondered why the Gladers had picked me.

We were outside in the backyard now. It was extensive, with plenty of trees. One of the ancient oaks held a tree mansion. There were two storeys, it looked like, and a balcony. Pulleys with baskets to pull things up. It was spectacular. 

"I see you've spooted the treehouse. It's one of our biggest achievements. The last Builders made it," a tall, well built boy with light brown hair and devilish eyebrows said. "I'm Gally, Keeper of the Builders. You must be Thomas." 

He didn't offer a hand to shake. 

"Yeah, that's me. Nice to meet you."

He gave a gruff nod and went about his business.

"Gally's not the friendliest, but he's not a bad shank. Ah, look, there's Teresa." Newt pointed to a pile of wood that a lot of the students were adding to. Teresa was one of them.

She waved and said something to a black girl beside her, who nodded. Teresa came over.

"Hi, Tom. Harriet's been showing me around. I'm still not sure that the bonfire is completely legal, but it's going to be a lot of fun." 

"Yeah, looks like it. This is Newt. Newt, this is Teresa. She's my cousin."

He looked surprised. "Oh, cousin. Hi, Greenie. Like the Glade so far?"

She nodded. "Oh yeah. It's awesome. Just don't put Tom in charge of cooking."

He laughed. "I'll keep that in mind. Frypan would be disappointed in me. He and Rachel are the Keepers of the Cooks. The really great thing about the Glade, though, is that we can all learn from one another, so maybe we'll improve your cooking, eh Tommy?"

We heard a cheer and turned. Apparently the bonfire was in place and ready to light when the sun went down. The golden and red leaves had been raked away for safety, and lots of the guys were jumping in the piles. The black girl beckoned to Teresa from the foot of one of the trees. 

"That's Harriet, my roommate. I'd better go," Teresa said, and bounced away. 

"She's nice," Newt commented.

"Yeah, we're really close. Have been since we were little. She's been a good influence, I think, and she's always there for me." 

"That's good. It's important to have people who support you. My family and I have always been close, and Minho, who probably brought you here." I nodded. "Well, he's been my best friend since bloody fifth grade. We're thick as thieves." 

I smiled. He scanned the yard. "Don't see him anywhere. Probably went to get drinks or something." 

Oh. It was that kind of party. I'd have to watch myself. I was a talkative and hyperhonest drunk, according to Teresa. 

"Gally makes this stuff, you've got to try it, but you don't have to finish it. It's sort of a Greenie initiation tradition." 

"How long have you been here?" I asked, curious. He knew so much, but he'd said he was nineteen. I was eighteen, a Freshman.

"I'm a Soph. Found this place last year. Well, it found me. That's another thing. You don't find Glade House, it finds you." 

I remembered Minho had said something similar. "And you're nineteen?"

"Left high school early. Somewhat of a genius, some say. I call it studying." He grinned. "Not a lot of people seem to actually do that." 

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I was a studier. Not much else to do, considering Teresa was my only real friend."

"Aw. That sucks. You'll make lots of friends here." 

"Well, it got me to college, so it can't have been the worst thing. Thanks, though."

I was surprised he didn't ask why, just accepted it and moved on. I appreciated that. This Newt and I were going to be good friends, I could just tell. So I loosened up a bit. I could relax here. No more cowering. I had my secrets and they would stay that way. I could just be happy here. And that was perfect.

When Alby deemed it dark enough, the bonfire was lit, the music turned on, and the fun began. I was never a party person, but this was so laid back and casual, I actually had fun for once. I had a couple dances with some girls, even though I would've preferred to dance with the guys. There were certainly some cute, and hot, guys at the Glade. None of them could hold a candle to Newt's angelic beauty, though. He didn't dance, but he hung around and chatted with people. You could see from here how enthusiastic he was about some subjects, even though you couldn't hear a word. 

Eventually I tired and sat by a log to rest for a bit. I watched Teresa and the mousy-haired kid, (whose name was Aris?) dancing. Hm. I wondered if that would turn into something. Teresa hadn't had a boyfriend in a while. 

Someone plopped down beside me, and I nearly jumped.

"Worn out, Greenie?" Newt asked. He had that little smirk. 

"A little," I admitted. "Having a lot of fun though."

"Yeah, Glade parties tend to be fun but tiring. You've got to mind the treehouse on party nights. It's a popular makeout spot." 

I blushed. "Good to know." 

Newt was so close, and he slung an arm around my shoulders. My breath caught.

"We've got a few couples in the Glade. You've got George and Beth, Nick and Miyoko, Jack and Scott, and a couple more I can't think of right now. And a lot of us have girlfriends or boyfriends outside the Glade."

I nodded. So there was at least one gay couple. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to come out here. Yes, it would, I told myself. You thought it wouldn't be so bad at school, and look at you. Look at yourself. Don't come out, at least not yet. 

Newt handed me a jar of something orangey. "Here. Put some hair on your chest."

I took a long drink of it, only to cough violently and spit it out. Ugh, it burned.

"Oh my God," I spluttered. "What is that?"

He chuckled and was smirking when I looked up at him, resisting the urge to eat a handful of grass just to get the taste out of my mouth. "I don't even know. It's Gally recipe. A trade secret."

I finally quit coughing and stared as he calmly took a drink of the vile stuff. We talked a bit more about the Glade and what I should expect tomorrow. There were many intense looks, and I caught my gaze flickering to his lips more than once. 

"Come on, Greenie. Got to get you to bed. Big day tomorrow, and school starts next week. Need you rested up," he said as the party began to die down.

He pulled me up off the ground and we started back towards the house. 

"Bloody hell, we aren't even unpacked," he said, then laughed. "I got here this morning. So much to deal with what with settling everyone in and making sure we had supplies, I just didn't have the time. We have tomorrow, though, so don't worry."

"Fuck, you're right."

"We say 'shuck' here. It's worse, anyway. It's a combination. I'll leave it to you to figure out what of." 

I laughed. 

He opened the door and waved me through. I found some sweatpants and an undershirt, my usual bedtime clothes, and a toothbrush and toothpaste, so I was set for now. We had a bathroom on Newt's side that we would apparently share. I made a mental note to get a bin or something to put my stuff in. 

When we finally lay down and switched out the lights, Newt asked,

"Oh, Tommy, does it help if I turn on a light?" 

It took my a second to figure out he was talking about if I had a nightmare. 

"Oh, um, it kinda depends. I'll tell you if you need to. Sometimes it's not that bad." 

"Okay. Goodnight, Tommy."

"Goodnight Newt." 

I loved that he called me Tommy. It made me feel good, knowing I had a friend who was enough of a friend to use a nickname. Teresa called me Tom, but she was my cousin. Now I had a real friend. A very kind, understanding friend. This was a nice place.


	3. Evaluation

I slept peacefully that night and woke up when an alarm went off. I groaned. I was too tired. 

"Come on, Tommy. Once you're up you'll feel better." 

I sat up, spooked. I'd forgotten about Newt. He was going through his stuff, no doubt looking for something to wear. His hair was mussed up and it looked incredibly sexy. 

He chuckled. "You haven't had a roommate before, have you?" 

I shook my head, still too asleep to form proper words.

"You'll get used to it. Now, we're going to be late for breakfast, so come on and get dressed. I've already let you sleep in, so up you get, Greenie." He disappeared into the bathroom with some clothes. 

Reluctantly, I got up and found some clothes. I checked my phone. A text from Teresa.

_You got lucky, didn't you? Rooming with a hot guy. Changing your mind yet? ;)_

"Oi, no phones this early. That's one of my personal rules. Anyone rooming with me follows it. You need a proper morning routine to get you ready for life. Now, hurry up or Frypan will skin us and make us into bacon." 

God he looked hot in that. Snug buttondown that showed just how in shape he was, and damn did he have some arms. And those skinny jeans were almost too much to handle. They made him look even taller, and like he had miles of legs. I hurried to change and splash some cold water on my face. 

We needn't have worried about being late. The table was still being set in the huge dining room and hardly anybody was in there. Newt hugged the strawberry blonde girl and sat down next to her, leaving me with an obviously hungover Teresa. I hoped that wasn't his girlfriend. 

"Hi, Tom." Teresa's tone was groggy and dull. 

"Hey," I said quietly. "You need an aspirin or something?" 

"No, I'll be fine. Sleep okay?"

"Yeah, really well. You?" 

"Good." 

"Teresa...just be careful what you say, alright? I haven't changed my mind." 

"It was just a text, Tom. I'm not going to say anything where people can hear. But I'll stop." She smiled.

"Thanks." 

"Come on you shanks," Newt said. "Come meet my sister." 

Sister. Sonya, of course. Thank goodness. We did as he said.

"Hey, Thomas. I'm Sonya, Newt's little sister who's more mature than him. Teresa and I have met." 

Teresa blushed. "Yeah, sorry about that."

"No problem." 

I wondered what had happened. 

"Well, sit down. Best get seats before the crowd gets down here." Newt said, raising an eyebrow. "Breakfast is seven sharp, usually. We're still getting going, though." 

"Like a train," Sonya put in. "Starts out really slow and steady, and then picks up speed. We'll be working like a charm within a week. That's why we all get here so early, to settle in."

"It's really an ingenius idea. We're the second 'generation,'" Newt made airquotes, "of Gladers. The ones before us have graduated. They come back to visit sometimes."

"It seems like a great setup."

Teresa nodded in agreement. "And the beds are comfy."

"That's always a plus," Newt said with a laugh. "I think it he--" He glanced quickly at me and stopped.

Someone rang a bell. "Seats now or no food for you!" was yelled from the kitchen. 

Newt snickered. "Frypan would never not give someone food. Sometimes he'll secretly watch you to see if you enjoy his cooking."

A crowd of people came rushing in and scrambling to get seats.

Someone started to sit next to me, saying, "I get Greenie's left!"

Minho dived in front of them and smirked. "Too slow," he said. "Mornin' shank."

"What does that even mean?" Teresa asked, looking at Newt.

"Well, to me it's like 'chap' and to you it's like 'dude'." 

Minho scoffed. "You and your Britishness." 

"Hey, you like the accent, and you appreciate the late night cups of tea when you realize you've procrastinated on your homework for too long." 

"You're still the guy who's lived here for _ten years_ and still has the accent."

"I'm sparing the Greenies my American accent." He grinned at me.

Minho cringed. "Thank goodness." He looked at me. "You really don't want to hear it."

We chatted with Newt, Sonya, and Minho all through breakfast, which was delicious. Pancakes, bacon, and eggs. Delicious. I definitely wasn't a good enough cook to do any good here. We learned more about the Glade, and I found out that I would be working with the Sloppers today.

"It's not the nicest job, but it's a necessity, and it's best to go ahead and get trying it out over with," Newt said.

So I helped clean up after breakfast and did the dishes. I met a really nice kid named Chuck. We got on quite well. He had been a Greenie the previous year, and had some helpful advice. 

1\. Listen to your mentor. They are there for a reason.

2\. Don't get into it with Gally. 

3\. Alby's a bit aloof, and grumpy. Take your problems to Newt or Sonya first. They'll know what to do.

4\. Have a good time. The work is fun here, cause you have friends. Just about everyone is friends with everyone.

We moved on to cleaning the bathrooms, then did laundry, etc, etc, etc. It was all stuff that had to be done, but it wasn't really my area. 

We stopped for lunch and Newt sat down beside me. Was it normal to feel this many butterflies in your stomach, even if you did have a crush on someone?

"So, Greenie, how's your day goin'?"

Was it normal for my breath to catch every time I heard him speak?

"Um, good, yeah," I said, a bit flustered by his presence. "Getting a lot of work done. You?"

He made a so-so gesture. "Eh, getting everyone settled in, taking inventory, that stuff. It looks like we may have a problem with the buggin' heating. I've got the Builders working on it now."

"Do you think they can fix it?"

"Probably not, unfortunately. They may be able to give us a hint as to what's wrong with it, but furnaces aren't really an area we have expertise in."

I hummed thoughtfully. 

"Alby's family will pay for whatever we need fixing, of course, but it's nice to be able to fix things ourselves. Sense of accomplishment and all that. Keeps the morale up and things run smoothly."

I watched him, gesturing with his knife and fork as he spoke between bites. He was beautiful. The light from the window caught his hair in just the right way, so that it didn't reflect, but lit it up like a shining golden halo.

"Hey, Tom!" Teresa said, sitting down across from me.

"Hey," I replied. I wondered how long I'd been staring at him.

"I've been working with the Track-Hoes. I don't think I have much of a green thumb. But it is autumn, so we'll see in the spring."

"I'm with the Sloppers. Basically using everything you've taught me over the years." 

She chuckled. "Told you that knowledge would come in handy one day."

"So you two are cousins?" Newt asked with the slightest of frowns. 

"Yep. On my mom's side," I told him. "We're as close as siblings, though. We grew up in the same neighborhood, went to the same schools, all that good stuff." 

"I'm his confidant," she said, smirking. 

"And I'm not looking for embarrasing stories." Newt's face was serious. 

"Well, anyway," I said, clearing my throat, "It made sense for us to team up and go to college. We were planning on renting a little house and getting jobs."

"What sort of jobs?" He tilted his head, watching me intently. 

"Oh, I dunno. Coffee shop, probably. Cliche college student labor."

"Well, if you're at all interested in library work, the public library is looking for a part time employee. Mostly to help with reshelving. It's a nice place. I worked there last spring. Everyone's really friendly and helpful. They aren't going to chew you out if you don't know what you're doing right off. It's a nurturing sort of environment. They help you learn how stuff works, instead of shoving a cart of books at you and leaving you to it. That's what the library I volunteered at in my high school days did. It was awful. First day on the job, they shoved a cart at me and smiled. Good thing I already knew how the Dewey decimal system worked."

"You worked in libraries? That's cool." Teresa actually looked impressed. 

"Yeah, I've always been an avid reader and writer. It kind of made sense for me to work with books. I thought about majoring in library sciences, but there isn't a lot of demand. I read a few studies that said that library science majors are as unemployed as high school dropouts. Out of 173 majors, they're fourth on the list of highest unemployment rates. So I went for creative writing, because there's so much more demand for that." He rolled his eyes. "It's what I love, though."

I smiled. "That's awesome. I'm going into accounting."

"Ah, you're just as smart as I thought you were. Maybe you can help me out with my math."

I swear I blushed at the compliment and mumbled something. When I finally looked back up at Newt, he was smiling at me, cheek rested on one hand. I really, really wanted to come out. I redirected my gaze to the scar on my arm as a reminder why I shouldn't. The giddy feeling vanished. I noticed Newt frown, tilting his head curiously. 

I was mostly quiet throughout the remainder of the meal, letting Newt and Teresa do the talking. I was lost in a world of painful memories. Literally painful memoreis, as in memories of pain. Newt kept shooting little glances at me, which made me feel even more upset, and more conflicted about my situation here. When What's-his-face, the Keeper of the Sloppers, came to collect me after lunch, Newt shook his head, an odd expression on his face.

"He'll be with me for a bit." 

No questions asked, the guy just nodded and went back to work. 

"Come on, Tommy," Newt said, in a tone of voice I could only describe as delicate, heading for the stairs. I followed him to our room. 

He shut the door and pulled me into a hug. A very close hug, complete with back rubbing. I tensed at first but relaxed quickly. It would've been hard not to. He was just such a gentle person. I trusted him, even if I told myself I shouldn't. A small part of me wondered what the hell was going on, but the majority of me subconsciously knew, I think.

"Whatever it is that's bothering you, it's okay now. Don't say anything, just try to relax, okay? I've got you. You're safe here."

I melted, putting my arms around him and holding him just as tightly as he held me. Tears threatened to fall. 

"Just let it out, Tommy. Let it all out. You'll feel better. It's okay."

And I did. He was so _kind_ and _caring_ , so utterly perfect. So very different from the past. I wanted to forget all of it and start over. Even if I knew I couldn't, I wanted to. 

And Newt just held me close while I cried into his shoulder, a solid, constant prescence in the midst of the storm that was my emotions. When I finally calmed down a bit, he pulled back, hands on my shoulders. He looked me in the eye with a tiny smile.

"There, better now, innit? It's okay. No awkwardness necessary."

I huffed with the ghost of a laugh, drying my tears. 

"Look at me." Now his tone was authoritative, leaving me in no doubt as to who was in charge of this situation. I did as I was told. "I'm always here, if you need to talk, okay? You're safe with me. I know that probably sounds awful bloody weird, coming from a bloke you met yesterday, but it's the truth. You and whatever secrets you may have are safe with me. And if you don't want to share them, that's fine. But I'm here if you need support. Anytime. All you have to do is let me know," 

His eyes, posture, and tone all combined showed just how honestly sincere he was. I nodded, unable to form words, just staring into his eyes. Deep and warm, as though God had melted dark chocolate and given it to him for eyes. I relaxed. 

He gave me a tiny smile. "Good that. You take a little time to yourself now, ya hear? Just chill and try to relax. Come down when you're ready." 

I nodded again. He squeezed my shoulder before he left. I sighed deeply. I had some serious feelings for this angel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another update. And I've updated the tags. I've changed a little bit in the future. But you didn't know that, and you only know now because I told you, so you have no right to think, "Why?" I'll just say I read a very good fic from another of my fandoms and it gave me some ideas. Anyway, no more rambling. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! More to come later. I a incredibly sick right now, but I'd already written this chapter and sort of proofread it, so here you go! Enjoy! I'm going to go try to find more cough drops.


	4. Talking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Newt's POV <3

When I read Tommy's application, I knew there was more to him than he'd said. That's why I fought so hard to get him and Teresa here. I figured he could use a safe place. The fact that he'd said he "preferred not to say" what his sexuality was made it clear he wasn't straight, but that still left a wide spectrum of possibilities. And something about the tone of his brief backstory, and the whole nightmare thing led me to believe there was more to tell there, too. I couldn't really justify my hunch, but the kid seemed a decent, smart chap and so did his girl friend. I wasn't sure if she was his girlfriend or just a girl friend. 

In the end, I won my arguement, and the arguement over who should mentor him (as if I was going to let anyone else after all the trouble I'd gone to getting him here, plus I was more quaified to help him with his nightmares, being the quiet, empathetic one of us), and we accepted him. Then I'd met him, and he was beautiful. And shy and a little nervous. I liked shy people. It gave me the chance to bring them out of their shell in the peaceful environment of the Glade and help them grow.

I'd spent so much time arguing the case with Minho and the others and getting everyone settled that I hadn't unpacked, but I supposed that helped Tommy. Made me more accessable, in a way. I wasn't the perfectly organized British guy who knew so much more than him when he met me. I could be the not-so-organised British guy who knew so much more than him. Alright, maybe it didn't make me that much less intimidating, but we could settle in together and bond through it. He could relax knowing that I wasn't so different from him after all. 

He seemed to like the system when I described it to him. I wondered if he liked order, or maybe he needed it. The fact that he was going into accounting supported that theory. He seemed flustered at first, but my casual behavior seemed to help a little. As did my careful but thorough inquiries about the nightmares. I needed to be prepared to look after him in that scenario. It was my job, and I wanted the poor kid to trust me to look after him.

He seemed a lot more outgoing at the party. I watched from the sidelines as he loosened up a bit. He only danced with a few girls, and then went off to sit by himself. I sat with him. He was so bloody pretty, with those amber eyes and messy hair and the moles that danced across his cheeks and neck. I wasn't sure if it was the homemade alcohol thinking or not, but I wanted him. Wanted him bad. I'd never felt so relieved as when he'd said Teresa was his cousin, because she was buggin' pretty and if they were together I wouldn't've stood a chance. Maybe I still didn't, I had no way of knowing.

So I talked to him, inching closer as time went on. Hanging on his every word. He never mentioned his past, really, unless it was information relevant to the conversation, but even then he only gave the bare minimum facts. I wondered if it had something to do with his nightmares. Eventually I thought it best to get him to bed and that it would be best to go to sleep at the same time. I didn't know any facts, of course, but I thought that he needed that sort of order/routine. Something he could rely on. But I also didn't want to come off as pushy and strict. That might scare him off. 

The next day he seemed fine, until lunch. Even then it was like flipping a bloody switch. He just...crumpled. He stopped eating, looking at anyone, talking. It was like he was in another world. I kept an eye on him, hoping he would just snap out of it, but he didn't, and Teresa paid no attention to him. I wasn't about to let him go back to work like this. What he needed was comfort. Human comfort. Strength. Understanding. 

So I took him upstairs and held him while he cried. The way he'd just melted into my arms told me a lot. He needed contact, someone he could trust and maybe confide in later. Also, he needed that someone to be strong when he wasn't, to keep him afloat. I could do that for him. I would. I'd always be right here. It was one of my duties as a mentor, and as a person in general, even if I maybe did have ulterior motives.

It was another two days, during which we unpacked and Tommy tried out other Glade jobs, before he had the first nightmare. I woke to a whimper and blinked confusedly for a split second before I jumped up and went over to him. I lay a hand on his shoulder. 

"Tommy, it's okay. You're safe. You need to wake up now. You're safe," I said, firmly. I gently shook him and repeated the same sort of words until he woke, gasping and flinching away from me. "It's Newt. It's okay."

I slipped into the bed beside him and carefully put an arm around him, curling to create a protective wall behind him. He choked on his own breathing and seemed to be trying not to cry and scramble away from me. I realized this was more serious than I'd originally thought. Much more serious.

"It's okay, Tommy. You're right here with me. Right here in your bed, in our room. In the Glade. You're perfectly safe. No one can hurt or scare you here, okay? No one. You're right here with me. You're safe."

He wasn't calming down, if anything it was getting worse, and I was getting worried. I decided to deviate from his instructions. I flipped the bedside light on and rolled him onto his back, sitting up to lean over him. 

"Look at me, Tommy. Look at me," I said, using my authoritative voice.

He did, eyes wide and scared, whole body shaking.

I held up my hands, slowly, so that I wouldn't scare him any worse than he already was. 

"How many fingers am I holding up, Tommy? Count with me, okay? I need you to do that for me." 

He did, letting out the shakily spoken numbers faintly, until he reached ten. 

"Then everything's okay. If something was wrong, the number would be wrong, okay? But it's not, so everything is perfectly safe. Understand?"

He calmed down almost instantly. 

"See, you're okay. Look around. It's just our room."

He sighed, heavy and shaky, before nodding, closing his eyes tightly. 

"There now, no awkwardness necessary. Are you okay now?"

"Stay with me?" he asked, so quietly I barely heard him. 

I gave the matter a few seconds' consideration. He probably did need someone close, but he had to know he was okay without me right there. Had to be able to cope on his own. Eventually. But tonight he needed to know I would be there if he needed me. So I nodded with a little smile and lay back down beside him, turning out the light. I put an arm around him and he snuggled closer.

"Shh, you're okay, Tommy. I'm here. I'm right here with you."

When I woke up the next morning, it was because the warmth beside me suddenly disappeared. I remembered what had happened in the night as soon as I opened my eyes, but Tommy seemed distressed. Whether it was because he felt self-conscious or because he didn't remember, I wasn't sure. I took a closer look at him after rubbing my eyes. He didn't remember.

He sat on the other side of the bed, as far from me as he could be, looking confused and like he might be having some sort of internal conflict.

"You had a nightmare." He jumped at my voice. I gentled my tone even more. "You wanted me to stay with you. Remember?" 

"Sort of. I don't usually remember a whole lot after." His voice was croaky. He cleared his throat. "Um, was it...bad?" 

I kept the same gentleness in my tone. "Well, I'm not sure what the spectrum of good to bad relating to your dreams is, Tommy, but to me, it was definitely very bad."

He had a funny expression that I tried to puzzle out.

"Look, I'm not going to push this any further because I know you'd feel weird if I did, but I'm always here if you need to talk. We all have our backstories, and not all of them are picture perfect. I know mine's not." I grimaced. "But that doesn't mean we should hide them. We may not draw attention to them, but keeping that kind of secret inside yourself is hard. I know it is. So if you need to get anything off your chest, just tell me, okay? I'm not gonna go shout it to the bloody world."

"Is it that obvious?" he asked quietly.

"Mate, you're having bloody nightmares that leave you in a borderline panic attack when you wake up!" I realized I'd probably done more harm than good saying that and added softly, "But I'm the only one who knows that. It's not obvious to someone who isn't looking for it."

"And why are you looking for it?" he asked, looking at me now.

"Because I'm your mentor, and I hope your friend. I want to take care of you. It's just how I am. I don't like seeing people hurting or scared if there's something I could do about it."

"And what do you think you could do about it?" 

"You can talk to me. It helps to have someone who's in the loop, who knows what sort of situations are going to make you uncomfortable or if it's too late to prevent something, to give you comfort. And if I know what's wrong, maybe I can offer advice."

"I appreciate your concern, but it's really nothing for you to worry about. It's my problem and I'm dealing with it." He stood up and went into the bathroom, locking the door behind him. 

I sighed and lay back down. I couldn't force him to talk to me, and maybe there really was nothing I could do to help, but I still wanted to try. And I still wanted him. It hadn't been the alcohol. I really liked Tommy. He was cute, smart, funny when he was around people he was comfortable with, and generally sweet. I got the impression that he hadn't given or recieved a lot of affection in his life. Teresa was the only friend he ever talked about from his past.

Teresa. She _knew_ Tommy. She was probably his current confidant. But she was his cousin, and probably had been a big part of his life throughout whatever it was that had happened to him. He needed to open up to someone else. And I wasn't going to go to her for information to see if there was anything I could do. He had to come to me, or he'd feel betrayed. And I couldn't have that.

"Oh, Tommy," I sighed, getting up to start the day.


	5. Chapter 5

Hi guys! I moved last month and we STILL don't have internet, which is why I disappeared. I am currently writing this in the Walmart parking lot. Anyway, I AM still writing this, and I've got so much done, like really. I'm nearly finished. So, one of these days I'm going to post everything and you can enjoy. I'm not sure exactly when that will be, but I PROMISE it WILL happen. 

Newtmas is real, guys! Have a great day. :D


	6. Walking

I decided it was best to back off a bit from the whole "you can trust me" thing and tried to show that to Tommy through actions rather than words. Hopefully he'd figure out that he could trust me this way, rather than me pressuring him. Me pressuring might end in him closing up completely, now that I thought about in more detail. I didn’t want that to happen.

I tried to make the rest of the day seem as normal as possible, completely ignoring what had happened last night and this morning. I figured he needed order right now, not for me to draw attention to what had happened. He scuttled off to Teresa as soon as he got on his lunch break. They didn't sit with Minho and me at the table like they usually did. It made me sad.

"Sup with the Greenie?" Minho asked.

"Don't talk with your mouth full," I said sullenly, not even looking at him.

He swallowed audibly. "Sorry, Mom. Lemme rephrase. What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing," I said, frowning deeper.

"Really? Cause you look like someone kicked your kitten."

Knowing I wasn't a dog person, Minho had gotten in the habit of always changing well known sayings to fit my preference for cats. "It's raining cats and kittens" or "kicked your kitten" etc. It was bloody annoying.

"Slim it,” I said darkly. I was not in the mood for Minho’s sarcasm and annoyingness. I was’t in the mood to think of a better word than annoyingness. I looked--well, glared--at him now, hoping he’d take the hint and quit bugging me.

He held his hands up in surrender, shaking his head. "Fine. No need to be such a Grumpy Cat about it."

I glared at him even harder.

"You're even making the Grumpy Cat face. You are, I’m serious. You look like a tiny angry kitten. It’s completely not intimidating. It’s more funny than anything."  
I huffed and went back to trying to glare holes into my lunch. I couldn't find it within myself to enjoy it at all. I didn’t know if I could eat. I kept sneaking glances at Tommy and trying to figure out what was wrong. My head was starting to hurt. This was definitely a composing problem.

Sonya texted me.

_What’s wrong?_

I looked at her and shook my head.

_Newt, please tell me. You look terrible._

_What’s so wrong with having an off day? I don’t pester people when they’re not having a good day. Why do people do it to me?_

_You do, too. You ask them what’s wrong and do whatever you can to fix the problem. So why won’t you let anyone do the same for you? You’re allowed to talk to people when you’re down. Like you always say, it’s never good to bottle stuff up._

_Tommy._

_??_

_That’s what’s wrong._

_Could you explain a little further?_

_I sighed, letting it out in a low growl._

“Angry kitten,” Minho stage whispered.

“Enough, Minho.” I glared at him as hard as I could. “I will leave.”

He shrugged and took another huge bite. I rolled my eyes and texted Sonya back.

_Tommy’s avoiding me._

_Have you talked to him?_

_No. I thought giving him space might be a better idea._

_Maybe. How long have you given him space?_

_This morning._

_I think you should talk to him now._

_I want him to come to me._

_Why?_

_I just have a feeling he’ll come to me when it’s ready and that it isn’t a good idea to pressure him._

_That’s reasonable. You should lighten up, though. He’s not likely to want to come chat with you if you look like an elderly dragon with indigestion._

I looked up at her and mouthed, “Really?”

She shrugged and nodded.

After lunch was over and I’d made sure everything was going well enough for me to take a break, I slipped up to the room Tommy and I now shared and grabbed my tablet. It was nice to have a roommate. I was sick and tired of being alone. I flopped onto the bed gracelessly and opened my composing app. It wasn't all that fancy, and it wasn't what I'd use to seriously write something, but I could mess around with ideas on it for free.

I threw myself into it, letting my mind drift from reality to the realm of music. It gave me peace of mind for a while. That was one of the many reasons I loved music so much. I could focus on music and music alone, forgetting all the other things I had to deal with in life. All the classes and exams, all the social difficulties, my parents, everything that stressed me out. I could be in a state of perfect concentration on my work, and I was today. It was lovely. Then I heard a knock on the door.

"Come in," I called absently, contemplating whether or not to add a flute or synth choir to the mix. I had a single choir member, and I thought that bit sounded pretty good.

"Hey," someone said. I didn't pay enough attention to the voice to notice whose it was.

"Hey. Listen to this and supply constructive criticism, please." I looked up. It was Tommy, and he looked incredibly nervous. "Or not. Are you okay, Tommy?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'll listen, it's fine."

I hit play, watching him carefully. He didn’t look fine. The song started and sis expression changed from nervous to thoughtful as he sat on the bed beside me. He started to relax, and so did I.

When the song ended he smiled at me. "I like it. It's relaxing, and also kinda sad. It's deep, if you know what I mean. There are lots of...layers of emotion, if that makes any sense.” I nodded and gestured for him to continue. “I liked the way the voice had that gradually rising pitch. It kind of reminded me of waves, just a little, you know. The first note comes in and recedes, the the next one comes in a little farther and receds, etc. I usually like a little more emphasis on the strings, but since the piano and the voice were the main melody of this particular song, the supporting strings were fine. Not too subtle, but not drawing too much attention to themselves until they’re supposed to. Who wrote it? It sounds kind of like an artist I know of, but I'm not sure."

“First off, thank you very much for being honest and detailed. I get a lot of ‘It's good’s or ‘It’s not really my genre, but I guess it’s good’s. I wrote it, actually. I'm minoring in music.”

He looked surprised. “Wow. Good job.”

“Thanks. Was there something you needed, or wanted to talk about?”

“No, not really.” His inflection suggested otherwise.

“It's--”

I was cut off by the automatic play on my app. I’d forgotten I’d turned that on the other day. The joke song Sonya and I had collaborated came on. It was eccentric and had too much electric guitar to be taken seriously, but we loved it anyway. I looked at Tommy, who looked both shocked and like he was trying not to laugh. I’m sure my expression was more like that of a kid who’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"Um. It's a theme song for one of Sonya's friends. We came up with it over the summer," I explained.

"Is Sonya's friend a mad scientist?"

I cracked up laughing.

"I like it. It's...quirky. I seriously picture this mad scientist rushing around his lab mixing chemicals." Tommy grinned.

I didn't know why I found this so ridiculously funny, but I was laughing harder than I had in months. I couldn’t stop or catch my breath Then the next song came on. One with lyrics. One that I'd recorded with my ex. I quit laughing and turned it off, the giddy, happy mood lost instantly.

"You okay?" Tommy frowned, obviously concerned by my sudden change of mood.

I forced a smile. "Yeah, just...memories. We all have 'em, eh?"

He gave me a surprisingly understanding half-smile. "Why don't we go on a walk? I still don't really know my way around town. Maybe you could point out some landmarks for me."  
I glanced at the clock. "Sure, that’s a good idea. Let me grab my coat before we go."

Wondering what was up, I got my leather jacket out of the closet and followed him down the stairs. He started walking west along Dickson Street. I forced myself to lighten up and started telling him about the street and the places along it.

"Dickson Street. Lots of fun stuff down here. You've got the used bookstore, which is lovely to go to even if you aren't going to buy books, there's a bar with live music on Friday nights, a couple restaurants. The Arts Center’s off to the left once you get down here a little farther. They’ve usually got a play or concert on the weekends and tickets are discounted for students, which really nice. Um, there’s Savoy. It’s tea shop, but that's probably more appealing to me than you, innit?" I laughed.

"Tea? No, no, I love tea. I can't stand coffee, or understand how anyone else does."

"Well, Tommy, I may be able to make something of you yet. The next milestone is crumpets,” I joked, offering a smile.

"I wanted to thank you. For, you know... helping me out the other day. At lunch." He looked across the street rather than at me, biting his lip.

I stopped and lay a hand on his shoulder. "Tommy, honestly, I'm here to help. If you need me, all you have to do is say.” I lay a hand on his shoulder. “We can come up with a codeword, even, if you don't want everyone to know what's going on. But please, please tell me if you're not feeling right. I won't ask you any more questions at all about what’s bothering you if you don't want me to. Even though I really do think it would help you to talk about whatever's got you so bloody upset. You can always come to me, okay? I really don't mind."

"Thanks, Newt," he said, tone and expression earnestly honest.

It made me feel funny. I gave him a slightly awkward nod and we started walking again. I cleared my throat. Now was not the time to be thinking about kissing him. Besides, we'd only known each other for a couple days. It was too soon to be thinking about kissing him.

But in the back of my mind, I was definitely imagining I was kissing him. Quite thoroughly. With tongue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm baaaack!! Enjoy the chapter, loves. I think the continuity is right...we'll see. :P
> 
> Do tell me what you think, and leave kudos! They are greatly appreciated!


	7. Chapter 7

It had been two weeks since Tommy had arrived. He’d truly found his calling as a Runner, which was good, since he didn’t really fit any of the other jobs. After his first Run, when he got completely lost and someone had to go find him, he’d only gotten better. He was Running partners with Nick now, which probably contributed to the fact that he hadn’t gotten lost again. To be perfectly honest, though, he was probably our best Runner. He took the time to plan his Runs beforehand so that he wasn’t Running all over town, and he didn’t dawdle. I was quite proud of him, and I found myself liking him more and more. I’d gotten to know him as well as he’d let me in the amount of time he’d been here, and he was a good, sweet person. 

The thing about Tommy was that he was selfless. He would do anything to help someone, even if it meant neglecting himself. I had to keep reminding him to eat and study. He would sheepishly apologize for forgetting and ask if I wanted anything while he was downstairs. 

We had a world history class together, and I was glad I was already good at history. Tommy was incredibly distracting. I watched him fondly while he talked to some girl I didn’t know, smiling and laughing quietly. 

“I’d ask her name if I didn’t know you were gay, so the next question I have is really? The Greenie? Of all the guys you could’ve fallen for?” Minho’s eyebrows were doing that unique quirky thing again. It said _“seriously?!”_ better than words ever could. “And here I was thinking you liked me.”

I rolled my eyes. “Don’t flatter yourself. And yes, the Greenie, of all the guys I could’ve fallen for. Don’t tell him, though.”

“My word as a Runner. So, Thomas. I should’ve guessed.”

“Oh?”

“Well, you’re literally the only person other than his cousin who has a nickname for him, you’re possessive of him, and now that I think about it, you got incredibly jealous whenever he and Nick started Running together.”

“Possessive? How am I possessive?”

“You never let anyone else--other than Teresa--sit next to him, you don’t like it when other people touch him, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.”

Huh. Maybe I am possessive of him. 

“I guess he’s cute,” he said, wrinkling his nose as if he didn't really think so. 

I frowned. “He’s extremely cute.”

“Aww, Newt likes the Greenie,” he cooed, and I realized I’d taken the bait and hadn’t even thought about it.

I growled back, “Slim it.”

“You should tell him.”

“I can’t. I don’t even know if he likes men.”

“Well, you’re girly enough it shouldn’t matter.”

I whacked him in the shoulder with my textbook. He squeaked.

“Now who’s girly?” 

“Okay, okay, you made your point,” he grumbled, rubbing his shoulder. “But you’ll never know if you don’t ask.”

“You can’t just go up to someone and ask ‘hey, are you gay by any chance?’ That’s ridiculous.”

Minho leaned forward and tapped the shoulder of the girl sitting in front of him. “Hey, are you gay, by any chance?”

“No…” She frowned. 

“Cool! Wanna go out?”

“Uh, how about no?” She turned back around, shaking her head. 

I stared at Minho. He shrugged. “Her loss.”

“Mate, you need help.”

“You’re the one pining after a freshman you won’t even ask out.” He started gathering up his stuff as the class ended. “You’ve got to get your act together if you’re going to be dating by the time you graduate. Don’t stress over it, it’s just a conversation, and if it doesn’t go the way you want it to, too bad. Just talk to him already.”

“Talk to whom?” 

I jumped, startled. “No one, Tommy.”

“Oh. Walk you to your next class?”

“Sure,” I said, smiling. He was too good to be true. Minho gave me a pointed look, but I ignored him. Maybe one day I’d ask Tommy out, but it wasn’t today. And walking me to my next class didn’t mean anything. We were friends. We liked to talk between classes.

“Is everything okay?” he asked once we were out of earshot.

“Yeah, it’s fine. Just Minho being his usual nosy self.” 

“Do you want me to talk to him? Tell him to lay off a bit?”

“No, it’s fine, really. He’s not actually bothering me or anything. Thanks, though.”

“No worries. I’m going to go to the bookstore later if you want to come.”

“I’d better work on my paper, actually. Maybe another time?”

“Yeah, sure. Do you need anything?”

“A million dollars.”

“Me too. Maybe I could afford another year of college.”

I got worried suddenly. Was his financial situation that bad or was he joking? Would he not be here next year? 

“Well, I’d better split up with you here or I’ll be late. See you later!”

“Yeah, take care,” I called after him. 

I spent a lot of the day worrying about what he’d said. When I got back to the Glade I went to see Teresa.

“Hey, Newt. C’mon in,” she said, opening the door wider. She always seemed so chipper. I wondered how she managed it. “I thought you’d probably be hanging out with Tom at the bookstore.”

“I’ve got a paper to work on, so I had to pass.”

“So what brings you to my humble apartment?”

“Tommy, actually. He said something today about affording another year of college and I started worrying. Is everything okay? Do you two need any help?”

She grew serious. “It’s really sweet of you to be concerned, but everything will work out for him. It’s not really my place to explain, but it’ll be fine.” She smiled reassuringly. 

“I’m glad to hear that.” I decided to act on impulse. “One more thing. Is there any chance at all Tommy would say yes if I asked him out?” My heart was thumping too hard for its own good.

Her eyebrows shot up. “You’re...ohhhh. I hate to disappoint you but that’s not really my place to say, either. But, right now the best thing you can do for him is to be a good friend. Just be there for him, be someone he can talk to.”

That wasn’t a no. That definitely wasn’t a no, but. It wasn’t a yes, either. 

“Yeah, of course. Thanks.”

“You bet.”

I spent most of the time I was supposed to be devoting to my paper thinking about Tommy. I sighed and pulled out my phone.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Tommy. You still at the bookstore?”

“Uh, I’m not actually there yet. I stopped to talk to Ben for a while and traffic’s bad on Dickson. I’m having to walk down to the light to cross. Why?”

“I can’t concentrate on this bloody paper. If you’re offer’s still good I think I’ll take you up on it. Meet you there?”

“Great! See you in a few.”

I could hear the grin in his voice. I was never going to graduate, was I? Not with me giving in--without a struggle, mind--to Tommy’s every little whim.

When I got the bookstore I found Tommy in the self-help section. 

“Hey.”

He held a finger to his lips and shook his head. “Shh! I’m hiding from Miyoko,” he whispered.

“Why?” 

“I think she’s got a thing for me and I’d really rather avoid the situation where I have to turn her down.” 

“You might like her, though.”

“She’s not really my type,” he said, a strange, sorrowful expression coming over him, but it vanished as quickly as it had appeared. 

“Oh. Well, come on. I didn’t see her anywhere, she must’ve left.” 

We had a grand old time browsing the store after Tommy had found what he needed, and we talked about all kinds of stuff. He even expressed interest in my music studies and asked some good questions most people never seemed to think about. I found myself falling deeper into the hole labeled “Tommy” that lay between me and my career, but I honestly didn’t care. The memories of Tommy’s laugh and smile were worth more than any amount of money. Tommy’s eyes were crinkled with laughter when Nick joined us, and something, intangible and unnamed, shifted. You could see all Tommy’s happiness drift away like smoke into the night sky.

“Vas happenin, boys?”

“Will your obsession with Zayn ever end, Nick?” I asked, playing the part of the casual bookstore browser. “He doesn’t even say that anymore.”

He sighed. “I’m just reminiscing about the old days. I’m not interrupting a date, am I? I have a tendency to do that without noticing.” 

“No, you’re not, but I’ll never forgive you for that time at Savoy,” I said, shaking my head. He’d come in while my ex and I were having coffee and tea, respectively, and thought we were have a bro’s night. He’d sat down and chatted with us for the rest of our date. He’d done something similar to Aris and Sonya when they had been going out.

“Well, that relationship didn’t turn out anyway, so you should thank me. And neither did Saris, so maybe if I am interrupting a date, you should just give up now.”

“For heavens sake, Nick, quit calling them Saris.”

“Fine. The name has sunk with the ship. RIP Saris.”

I rolled my eyes and looked over to Tommy, who had the same expression he’d had earlier when talking about Miyoko. I decided to deflect Nick and see if I could get Tommy to talk to me about whatever it was he was feeling. But I had to do it carefully, of course. Tactfully. I didn’t want Nick to think that we were actually on a date and keeping it a secret. That would end in several awkward situations, because Nick couldn’t keep a secret to save his life and would end up giving everybody at the Glade the misinformation.

“Crikey, it’s nearly supper time. I didn’t realize we’d been here for so long. Speaking of, didn’t you say you had a dinner date tonight, Nick?” 

“Yeah, then we’re going to see a play at the Arts Center, which starts in,” he checked his watch, “an hour, so I’d better go get ready. Don’t want to keep the boyfriend waiting.” He grinned. 

“See you, Nick,” I said as he turned away. When he was gone I turned back to Tommy, who had drifted over to another section of books, looking at no one in particular, just sort of staring at the shelf.

“You’re awful quiet,” I said gently. 

He started slightly. “Sorry. I, uh…”

“Feel weird because someone thought we might be dating? Don’t mind Nick, that’s just how he is. He isn’t the most observant of souls, so he ends up being blunt and making things awkward sometimes. But it’s you and me, Tommy. We know what’s going on, so no awkwardness necessary, right?”

He started to say something, but stopped.

“If there’s something you want to say, go ahead, Tommy. I’m listening.”

“I probably ought to get home and study,” he said. I’m quite sure that deep down he knew that I knew that that was not what he had been going to say. But I let it go and said I was going to spend a little more time browsing before I headed back. Mostly to give him space, but also so that I could think.

The odds of something bothering Tommy seemed pretty high. The odds of getting him to talk about it, not so high. I had promised myself there would be no more coaxing and that I would let Tommy come to me when he was ready. Be a good friend, like Teresa had said, and let him come out of his shell on his own. But it was proving to be a hard thing to do when he seemed upset like he did now. I wanted to find out what was wrong and make it better. 

I wandered down to Savoy and got a cup of tea. I’d have to bring Tommy here sometime soon. Maybe it could be a safe haven for him, too. Somewhere to get away from the troubles of the outside world and just relax with a warm beverage. I sat and mulled over mine for a long time, thinking about too many things at once. I got a cup of tea to go when I left. Maybe Tommy would like it.

I ran into Minho, quite literally, on the way back.

“You’re really bloody lucky I didn’t spill this all over you,” I said, holding up my miraculously unharmed cup of tea. “You’re the Keeper of the Runners. You ought to know by now to look where you’re going.”

“If you weren’t so tiny I would’ve seen you. You are the skinniest shank I’ve ever seen. You’ve got what, a fifteen inch waist?” 

“If you didn’t inhale Doritos and Cheetos by the bag, you would, too. Eat more veggies.”

“What are you doing out here alone, anyway? It’s like eight o’clock.” 

“It’s 19:42, to be precise. I was at Savoy.”

“Don’t muddle my brain with your shucked up system of telling time. You were at Savoy all evening? They said you left the Glade hours ago.”

“I was at the bookstore first.”

“With Thomas?”

“Yeah, why?”

“What did you do to the kid? He barely spoke all through supper, which I’m sure you’ve realized by now is very uncharacteristic of him. He could talk Chuck to death and that’s saying a lot.” 

I began to regret my decision to stay out for the evening. “Is he okay?”

“I dunno, is he?”

“I don’t bloody know!” I took a deep breath. “He got all quiet before he left. I don’t really know what caused it. I thought I should give him some space before I went back.”

“Well, I think he’s had enough space. Come on before you freeze to death or get kidnapped.”

“Really, Minho? You think I’ll freeze to death?”

“How are you not cold?” 

“It’s only forty something degrees and I’m wearing a coat.”

“It’s a leather jacket as thin as you are! How are you not cold?”

“It kept the cow warm.”

“Gross. Come on.” 

“Did you actually come out here for the sole purpose of finding and retrieving me?”

“Yes. You might’ve gotten lost.”

“Minho, I’ve been here longer than you have. I took summer classes before my freshman year, and lived on my own then. There was no one to come find me, then. I know my way around town better than you do, trust me.”

“Whatever. You’re still skinny and easy to kidnap.” 

“Who do you think is going to kidnap a sophmore on the busiest street in town?” 

“Someone who thinks you’re fifteen. You look fifteen.”

“Oi!” 

“You do!” 

“I hate you.”

“Hate you too, tiny.” 

I smacked him in the shoulder. He squeaked. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another for you!


	8. Chapter 8

I was startled by the five taps on the door. “Tommy, are you in there?” 

I sat up and put my book down. “Yeah.”

   

“Can I come in?”

   

I frowned. “Of course. It’s your room, too.” 

   

He came in with a little smile that I didn’t understand. It wasn’t one I’d seen him wear before and I wasn’t sure if I liked it. It was too sad to be happy but not sad enough to be sad. It wasn’t _Newt_. 

   

“Everything okay? You’re back late,” I said.

   

“I went down to Savoy.” He laughed. “Next time you see Sonya, ask her to do her Savoy rap. It’s hilarious. Oh, I got you a cup of tea.” 

   

“Thanks,” I said, taking it. “I’ll definitely ask Sonya. Is everything okay, though?”

   

“Yeah, it’s fine. You?”

   

“Fine,” I lied. No, everything is the opposite of okay. People are starting to talk about dating and I don’t want to get mixed up in those conversations because I’ll accidentally say I’m gay. You’re the only guy I’d date, and I don’t even know if you like guys. And when I say the only guy I’d date, I mean the only guy I’d date. I don’t feel completely safe around most guys. I’m scared to Run with Nick, even though he’s gay, too. I only do it because you like him and I trust you. You have no idea what happened to me and if you did you wouldn’t like me anymore. All that is on top of college. I can’t find a job to earn money. All the money I have is going towards rent. Teresa’s family can’t afford to put me through college too so I can’t turn to them. Running is taking up the time I could be spending looking for work. Literally everything is not okay.

   

“Hey,” Newt said, shaking my shoulder lightly. “You hear me?”

   

“Huh?”

   

“You zoned out there. Can you tell me just a little?” He sat beside me, looking at me with that soft, sincere expression I was beginning to love. 

   

“You shouldn’t have to deal with all my problems. I’m sure you’ve got plenty on your own plate.”

   

He shrugged. “Not really. So if I can help you, in any way, I will.”

   

I sighed. “I had a fight with Teresa. We’ll be fine, and I really don’t want to talk about it, but I don’t like fighting with her.”

   

He laid a hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry to hear that. If there’s anything I can do…”

   

“There really isn’t, but thanks anyway.”

   

“You’re welcome. I hope you two make up soon. It’s awful to be fighting with someone you really care about. I’ll get to work on that paper now and give you some space.”

   

“Okay. Thank you.” Now I felt even worse. I’d lied to him. I’d lied to my dearest of dearest friends, the man I was crushing on so hard it hurt. I had to keep hiding infatuated smiles and kept catching myself staring at him. Just watching him study or work on music or anything, really.

   

I pulled out my phone and texted Teresa.

   

_Told Newt we had a fight. Don’t talk 2 me @ breakfast._

   

_What? Why?_

   

_Idk, it just happened. I’ve got 2 many problems 2 deal with & it’s showing. Or @ least Newt’s picked up on it._

   

_THOMAS I SWEAR TO GOD! JUST TELL HIM YOU’RE MADLY IN LOVE WITH HIM AND ASK HIM TO MARRY YOU ALREADY._

   

_I CAN’T! & it’s not just that, T. I’m nearly broke. I’ve got a months rent left & I don’t have a job. I don’t have time 4 a job. What am I gonna do?_

   

_We’ll help you out, and when you’re on your feet, you can pay it back. Simple._

   

_I can’t do that. Idk when I’ll be on my feet & your parents have it hard enough as is. They raised an extra kid. _

   

_...Teresa is typing…_

   

_...Teresa is typing…_

   

_...Teresa is typing…_

   

Idk. Maybe Newt would have some ideas. 

   

_I can’t talk about this w/him._

   

_Why not? You two are literally best friends. He can at least give you some time off Running to find a job._

   

_If I stop Running the rent goes up. I get a little bit off because it’s a strenuous job._

_*sigh* Talk. To. Newt._     

I sighed. Was that really my only option? I could sell some stuff. That would work. I went over to the bookshelf and started taking some books off. If I didn’t need it, I’d sell it.  

   

Half an hour later I’d figured out that I could maybe get thirty bucks for the books. I glanced over at Newt, who was wearing his glasses and poring over his own book, taking notes. He ran a hand through his already messy, fluffy hair. 

   

God, he looked cute.

   

Stop it. You’re broke. You’re only adding to your problems. Stop thinking about Newt. Newt is off limits. You will never get where you want to go in life if you don’t knock it off. Forget Newt! Move on. Get your ass off the bed, quit wasting time, and go talk to Minho about taking some time off. He’s the Keeper, you idiot. He’s your boss, _obviously_ the one you should talk to. And if you weren’t so hung up on the impossible dream of Newt you’d have thought of that! 

   

I got up and put my shoes on, and was starting for the door when Newt broke the silence very softly.

   

“Tommy, where ya goin?”

   

I turned to him, startled. Where was I going? I had my shoes on. What had I been going to do? I blinked, not remembering. I looked back to Newt and shook my head, mouth opening but no words coming out. I didn’t know. I didn’t know. I couldn’t breathe, chest tightening as if I were being squeezed. 

   

Newt stood and walked towards me slowly. I didn’t know. He held his hands up. I didn’t know. I didn’t know. I couldn’t breathe. What had I been going to do? I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t know.

    

 

   

A soft voice came through the whirlwind roar that filled my head till I thought it would burst.

   

“Tommy. Tommy, look at my hands. Just look at my hands.”

   

I gasped for breath, looking wildly for hands. They startled me when I saw them, held up, palms facing me. Hands. I couldn’t breathe.

   

“Count my fingers, Tommy. How many fingers?”

   

I couldn’t breathe. Hands. Fingers. Numbers. One. Two. Three. Four. Can’t breathe. Five. Can’t. Can’t breathe. Six. Seven. Eight. Need to breathe. Nine. Ten. Breathe. Breathe.

   

“Ten,” I gasped.

   

“Ten. That means you’re safe. If you weren’t, the number would be wrong. But it’s not. It’s ten. It’s ten, Tommy. You’re okay.”

   

I could breathe. I was breathing. I looked up. Newt. My Newt. I was breathing. I was okay.

   
  

“C’mere, love,” he said softly, holding his arms out. “You’re okay.”

   

I leaned against him, listening to his heartbeat. It soothed me. I was here, right now, in Newt’s arms, just listening to his heartbeat and his gentle murmurings. I didn’t need to hear the words, just the sound of his voice was enough. I was safe. When I pulled back, I was okay. I was breathing, perfectly normally, and the rhythm of Newt’s heartbeat was stuck in my head like a catchy song.

   

Newt smiled. “Let’s get you to bed, okay?”

   

I nodded. Newt was here. Everything was okay.

   

I grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt out of my chest of drawers before going into the bathroom. I changed and brushed my teeth, and then I couldn’t figure out what I was doing. Where was I going? What was I doing here? What was happening to me? What was happening to me? 

   

“Tommy, count my fingers.”

   

Again, the voice. I looked for its owner and saw the hands again. Hands. Fingers. One. Two, three. Breathing. Four, five, six. Breathing. Seven, eight, nine, and ten. I was safe. Tears welled up in my eyes. I was safe, why was I crying? I was pulled forward against someone. Newt. I wrapped my arms around him and held on for dear life. Newt. 

   

Somehow I ended up in bed with Newt sliding in beside me. He wrapped an arm around me and I took a shaky breath. I could feel his chest against my back, warm and strong. I could feel his breathing, slow and steady. I could feel his arm around me, holding me close. I was safe. 

   

When I woke up, it was morning and Newt was still beside me, propped up reading. He had his glasses on, and a cup of tea sat steaming on my nightstand. I felt so tired. I rubbed my eyes and Newt put his book down.

    
 

“Hey,” he said quietly. “Do you know what day it is?” 

   
  

“It’s Thursday.”

   
  

He nodded. “What classes do you have today?”

    
 

“Um, my communications class, anthropology, and art history.”

   

He nodded again. “And when’s your first class?”

   
  

“Art history at 10:20.”

   

He nodded a third time and smiled softly. “Go back to sleep, Tommy. I’ll wake you up in time.”

   

I hummed in sleepy agreement and closed my eyes, rolling onto my side. I felt a hand on my shoulder, gently rubbing, and fell back asleep.

   
  

“Tom-my,” a sing-song voice was saying quietly. “Tom-my. Time to wake up.” 

   

I blinked my eyes open.

   

“Hey there, sleepyhead. It’s 9:45 and I’ve got you some breakfast.”

   

I sat up and Newt set a tray of food on my lap. 

   

“There you go. Eat up, okay? I’m going to go get you some tea.”

   

And then he was gone. I blinked and rubbed my eyes some more. He’d brought me breakfast. I bit into the buttered toast and realized how hungry I was. By the time Newt came back, I’d eaten everything. And then I gulped down the tea and rubbed my eyes some more.

   

“How’re you feeling?” Newt asked, sitting next to me.

   

“A little sleepy, kinda worn out. I’m okay, though. What happened?”

   

“I don’t really know, Tommy,” he said softly. “One minute you were sitting on your bed with the computer, and then you put your shoes on and were headed out. When I asked where you were going you had a panic attack. It was ten o’clock by the time I calmed you down and I thought you were okay, but then I heard something breaking and you were having another panic attack in the bathroom. I calmed you down and got you to bed and then you fell asleep. Do you remember what upset you?”

   

I shook my head. “I just forgot what I was doing. What did I break?”

   

“The toothbrush jar. Don’t worry about it, I got it cleaned up and we’ll get another one.”

    
 

“Why did I forget what happened?”

   

“I don’t know, Tommy. How often do you typically have panic attacks?” 

   

“Sometimes after a bad nightmare, but never like last night.”

   

He nodded. “Are you going through a lot of stress right now?”

   

“Yeah,” I admitted.

   

“Well, Tommy, you might need to talk about it. If not with me, someone else. Not Teresa. She’s the obvious choice, but it will help you more if you tell someone else.”

   

I nodded. “Okay.”

   

He laid a hand on my shoulder. “Good that. Now, you’ve got about fifteen minutes to get to class. At least get dressed, okay? And it might be a good idea to comb your hair. You look a little wild.”

   

I chuckled. “Yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And another!


	9. Chapter 9

Classes were fine. I was tired, but I managed to focus and take notes. I didn’t have any more panic attacks, thank God and Newt. I didn’t see him until I came home after all my classes had ended. He was deep in concentration when I came in and didn’t seem to notice me. 

His hair was mussed, as it often was when he studied, and his little frown was incredibly endearing. I was so far gone on him I didn’t think there was any way out of it. 

I decided not to bother him and got my textbooks out to study. I’d been reading for quite a while when I saw him jump a little as he realized I was there. “When the bloody hell did you get back?”

I looked at my phone. “Twenty minutes ago. Ish.” 

“What time is it?”

“Four thirty.”

“Crikey.” He took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes. “How are you?”

“Fine. A little tired, but I’m fine.” 

“Good.  Come on.” He got up and put his shoes on.

“Where are we going? I’ve still got reading to do.”

“We are gonna go live a little. Your grades are perfect, and I doubt reading a little later in the day is going to change that. I’m your mentor, remember? ‘m not about to sabotage your education. Just your relationship with Frypan. He doesn’t like it when people skip dinner. Blame me and he’ll forgive you. C’mon.”

He headed out the door. I decided I liked Spontaneous!Newt and jumped up to follow him. He trotted down the stais lightly and I followed less gracefully.

“Sonny!” He yelled up the girls’ staircase. “We’re goin’ out, c’mon!” 

“No yelling in the house!” Minho yelled from the common room. 

Newt rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Don’t forget I’ve got blackmail info on you now, Minho. Don’t start with me.”

Sonya came bounding down the stairs, carrying a scarf. “Do I need this?” she asked.

“No.”

“Good.” She put it on. Her friend Harriet appeared at the top of the stairs and came down, too. “Where we goin’?”

“Savoy, and then we’ll see,” Newt said. “Ready?”

“Yes,” Sonya and I said at the same time.

She high fived me. “Let’s go, Greenie.” We started out the door. “Harry, do the honors.”

Harriet started beatboxing. What was going on? I looked questioningly at Newt, who grinned. “It’s her rap. She does this every time we go.”

“Goin’ down to Savoy, gonna meet up with my boi.” 

“Hopped up on tea!” Harriet chimed in, pausing her beatboxing.

“You better get gone, cuz you ain’t eatin’ my scone.” 

“Hopped up on tea!”

“Put it my cup, sugar high comin’ right up.”

“Hopped up on tea!”

She went on to describe several different blends of tea, how hot the tea girl was, etc, in a very comical way. I was laughing so hard I had to hang on to Newt to keep from falling over by the time we got to the tea shop.

We bundled through the door just as the song ended. Sonya and Harriet high fived.

“Told you that last verse would make the timing perfect,” Sonya said to Newt. “Pay me later.”

“I never actually agreed to that bet, you know.”

“Says you. Harry, do your thing. What does the Greenie want?”

Harriet looked me up and down. “What’s your favorite season?”

“Um, autumn,” I said. 

She turned to the tea girl. “He’ll take a cup of Golden Monkey.”

My eyebrows shot up and I looked over at Newt. He chuckled. “Don’t worry, Tommy. You’ll love it. Harry always knows.”

“Only I can call her that,” Sonya hissed at him. 

He raised his hands in surrender. “Apologies.”

“And for you?” the girl behind the counter asked Newt. 

He smiled broadly at her. “I’ll have my usual,” he said. And then he winked at her.

She smiled, nodded, and turned to Sonya. I frowned the slightest bit. Was he flirting with her? And was she flirting back? I crossed my arms.

“I’ll tell you what, Sadie, make it a large pot of Golden Monkey and he can have his cup of whatever,” Sonya said.

We sat down and waited for our tea to be brewed, Sonya and Harriet across from each other, and Newt across from me. He smiled. I grumpily refused to return it, looking around the shop.

It was small, but in a cozy way, not crowded. They played quiet acoustic music in the background, the primary sound being the machines behind the counter, busy making coffee and tea. The walls were pale blue, but the plaster was peeled away in some spots to show red bricks. One wall had sample packs of different teas, tea pots and tea cups for sale, and a bookshelf with a few herbal tea recipe books and the like. 

The tea girl brought a tray to our table and set our tea cups in front of us. Newt thanked her with another broad smile. I felt even grumpier.

“Go on, Greenie. It’s tradition. Greenie takes the first sip.” Sonya nudged my elbow.

I skeptically picked up my cup and took a hesitant sip. It was the best tea I’d ever had. 

“Wow.” 

“Told you Harry knows what she’s doing,” Sonya said. “Bottoms up.” 

Once we finished the pot of tea, which came out to about three cups each, I felt considerably better and more energetic. I understood the sugar high line of Sonya’s rap now.

“Let’s go, then,” Newt said, pushing his chair back in to the table. “Where are you feeling tonight, Sonny?”

She cracked her neck and closed her eyes. “I’m feeling...dancing.” 

“There’s that club on Sycamore Ave,” Harriet said.

“You game, Tommy?” 

“Uh, sure,” I said. Maybe it would be good for me to dance with a few girls. That was all, of course, but it might help keep up the ‘Thomas is totally straight’ illusion. 

So we ended up going to Sensations. A tall brunette girl grabbed me almost as soon as I got in the door and I found myself on the dancefloor. 

The beat was easy to follow and she seemed content to just dance, no grinding or making out or trying to drag me into the bathroom. 

“What’s your name?” I asked her, talking loudly to be heard above the music.

“Kathy. You?”

“Thomas.” 

“That's cute. You a freshie?”

“Yeah.”

“Me too! I wonder if we have any classes together.”

“I dunno. I’ll keep an eye out for you.” 

She grinned. “So, who do you go for?”

“Huh?”

“Just girls, girls and boys, boys, neither or?” 

I couldn’t think of what to say without revealing myself. I didn't really want to lie.

“Hey, no worries. If you don’t wanna say it’s fine. I’m just glad to be out of the pokey little town I’m from. Everybody’s so freakin’ churchy! If I’d said I was bi back there they woulda burned me at the stake!” 

What the hell, I thought. Might as well. “Well, I’m gay. Kinda the same thing where I’m from. Nobody here knows, though.”

She nodded. “Closet case, eh? Got your eye on anyone?”

“Yeah,” I said, thoughts drifting to Newt. I wondered where he was, but in this sea of bodies there was almost no chance I’d find him. 

“Lemme guess, blondie?” she pointed discreetly over my shoulder and danced so that we switched places. Smooth. I need to remember that move.

I looked past her and saw Newt standing at the bar. He was talking to a slightly familiar girl with a pixie cut. 

“Yeah, that’s him.” 

She whistled. “Boy, you know how to pick ‘em. You should go for it. You never know. That his sister who came in with you?” I nodded. “She was hot, too. Looks like she’s taken, though.”

She discreetly pointed again, this time to the left. I looked over. Sonya and Harriet were all over each other. Whoa. Unexpected.

“Ha, you didn’t know?” 

“Nope.” 

  

“Like I said, you never know. Well, see you around, Thomas.” 

The song blurred into another and she faded off into the background. I was quickly picked up again. This girl didn’t want to talk, though. She clearly wanted to get me into bed. I wished Kathy hadn’t taken off. 

When I didn’t show much interest in her, this one disappeared in the middle of the song. The cycle repeated a few times. I spotted Sonya and Harriet a couple more times and felt jealous. I wished Newt was here with me. I looked for him but didn’t see him. 

I danced on my own for a while, which was sad when I thought about it. I’m at a club. I could just cut in on someone. Or sit out for a bit. But the sugar rush was on and wanted to be appeased, so I kept dancing. Better to dance alone than with a girl who was epically failing to seduce me. 

I saw Kathy by the DJ a little later, apparently making a request. He nodded and switched tracks. I grinned. I knew this song. Wake Up Call by Hardwell. I made my way over to where she’d been, but couldn’t find her once I got there. 

Another girl with a pink streak in her hair started dancing with me. She was chewing gum and grinning and having a grand old time. I didn’t start a conversation with her, though. 

“Mind if I cut in?” I turned to see a girl with way overdone makeup. She winked at me. I took a step back to give her some room and she dragged Pink Streak off. Unexpected. 

When the next song started I made my way to the edge of the crowd for a breather. A hand fell on my shoulder. I jumped, startled.

“Havin’ fun, Greenie?” It was Harriet.

“Yeah, I guess.” 

“You guess? Clubbing not your thing?”

“It’s...different.”

“Ah. Guess I should’ve guessed you were the straight and narrow type.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I frowned.

“Well, ‘most everyone here is gay, bi, or pan, and that fluidity doesn’t appeal to everyone. There’s another club in town that caters to the more strictly hetero crowd.” 

“No, no it’s not that,” I hurried to correct her. “I’d rather go here, I just haven’t been to a club before. There wasn’t one where I grew up.”

She raised an eyebrow. “You just told me something you don’t realize you did.”

“Huh?”

“You’d rather go here than the het club.”

Oh shuckin’ klunk.

“Don’t worry, if it’s a secret it’s a secret. But you should feel free to loosen up and have some real fun, okay?”

I nodded. “Yeah, maybe I will.”

I went to the bar. Might as well start there. Plus, it gave me an excuse if Sonya or Newt caught on. Rum and coke might not be tequila shots, but I was a bit of a lightweight, to be honest, and I didn’t want to get drunk drunk. Just loosen up a little.


	10. Chapter 10

I wasn’t really the clubbing type, but the occasional visit wasn’t bad. I was more the romantic type than the sexual, even if I was a Dom and had a few kinks. I guess I cared more about relationships than sex. I’d never been one to sleep around, and I’d never had sex at a club. I wanted to fall in love and cuddle and go on dates first. God, figuring out my identity had been a bloody nightmare. Was I gay? Demisexual? Asexual? I’d eventually settled on gay. I did feel sexually attracted to guys without emotional connections beforehand, but I preferred en emotional connection before sex took place.

My previous attempts at romantic relationships had failed. I thought suddenly of Mum. I wished that day had gone differently. I wished that she and I still talked. And Dad. I wished Sonny had been able to go to Oxford. 

I told myself to be happy with what I had and to enjoy myself. Sonny and Harriet were, Tommy had found himself a cute girl, or she’d found him, anyway. And I’d sat and talked to Brenda about school. 

Sonny found me as her favorite song ended. 

“Newt! Get out there and find the Greenie.”

“Why? We leaving already?”

“No, slinthead, you like him. Ask him for a dance.”

“How did you…” 

“How long have I known you, brother mine? I think I know when you’re crushing. Now go get him, tiger.”

   

“It’s trickier than that.”

“Nope. That’s how I got Harry. Took her to the club and asked her to dance. Don’t ruin my scheme by chickening out. Go ask him.”

“I have no idea where he is,” I said as an excuse.

“Harry just had him and he headed over here,” she said, looking at a text message.

“If I see him-”

“-You’ll hide and say you didn’t,” she said, taking my arm. “You’re not getting away until I see him and leave you safely by his side.” 

“Sonny,” I protested, trying to pull my arm free. “You can’t just shove me at him and wait for me to ask him.”

“Wrong and wrong. I can and will. It’s time you got back out there, and you like him. It’s perfect.”

“He doesn’t like me, though.”

   

She frowned. “Did he tell you that?”

“Well, no, but…”

“But what? Have you asked him out? Told him you like him? No, you haven’t. If you had you’d be dancing with him right now.”

“How do you know?”  

 

“Because you’ve never had anyone ever turn you down.”

“That doesn’t mean _he_ wouldn’t.”

“There’s a reason no one ever turns you down, Newt. Well, two reasons. And both of them apply to this situation. There he is, I told Harry the perfect song and she’s gone to request it, and I’m watching you. You have no reason not to ask him. You’ve got about a minute before this song ends, so hurry up.” 

  

This was happening. Sonya was forcing me. Fine. I’d ask Tommy to dance. He’d say no, and that would be that. I’d finally stop crushing on him. Well, no I wouldn’t. But I’d know for sure that we couldn’t be what I wanted us to be. That treacherous little part of me said, ‘or he’ll say yes.’

“Newt,” he said, setting his glass down. “Wassup?”

My plan fell apart and I made another one. “Act like I’m being normal. Sonny dared me to ask you for a dance.”

He raised his eyebrows. “She did?”

“Yep.”

“And what are you gonna do about it?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you going to ask me?”

   

Plan B fell apart and I made another one.

“If I don’t she’ll get me back somehow.” That was the truth. And Sonya was ruthless in getting back at someone. Ask Aris.

“Well, go on, then.”

“You’re going to make me spell it out?”

He nodded. “Yep. That was the dare.”

I sighed. “Would you like to dance, Tommy?”

“You bet.” He gulped down the rest of his drink and set the glass on the counter. “Let’s go.”

That was...kind of easy, to be honest. I followed Tommy to the dancefloor after giving Sonny a death glare. She just smirked. I hate her sometimes. Like now.

Tommy stopped and smiled at me. “So, who’s leading?”

“Me?”

   

“Kay. Lead away.”

   

Fire Escape. Sonny had told Harry to request Fire Escape. I internally groaned. She had to pick my favorite song? Now every time I heard it I’d think of him.

I told myself to pull myself together and take his hands. As much as part of me--that I was internally glaring at right now--wanted to, I couldn’t just pull him up close and snog him. He thought this was a dare and he was only dancing with me because he thought that.

So I took his hands and started moving in a simple but fun rhythm. I started to loosen up a bit when Tommy really didn’t seem to mind dancing with me. The brunette girl who’d grabbed Tommy when we got here grinned at him and gave him a thumbs up. He grinned back. They seemed to be on good terms. I wondered why they weren’t still dancing.

“We should go swing dancing sometime,” Tommy said, laughing.

I didn’t really know what to say to that, so I just gave him a broad smile and twirled him. He laughed even harder and somehow we ended up a lot closer to each other than we had been. He didn’t back up. Neither did I. So we danced like that.

To be truly unbiased and honest, Tommy looked like he was having fun. Maybe we were just the sort of friends that could do this sort of stuff and it not mean anything or cause any awkwardness. Maybe I stood a chance with him. Maybe he was just having enough fun tonight he didn’t care. 

There were enough maybes. What I really wanted were definite answers, but if it was any of those maybes I could ruin our friendship by asking if it meant anything. 

I slowed down with the song, and then sped up again. Tommy went along with it naturally. I was sad when the song ended, but Tommy didn’t let go of my hands and started dancing to the next song. I went along with it. If Tommy wanted to dance, far be it from me not to take the chance. Him not wanting to stop increased my wonderings, but I pushed them away and tried to focus on the present. I wanted to commit this to memory. I was dancing with Tommy. The strobe lights flashed in time with a remix of Drive By, Tommy’s hands were warm in mine, and he was smiling. I smiled back. How could I not? 

Here I was. In my second year of college with my sister, happy, with a new team of friends, an awesome apartment, a cute best friend roommate I was crushing on, and dancing with. The only thing that could make the situation better was if he was my boyfriend. 

_Oh, I swear to you, I’ll be there for you, this is not a drive by._

I will. I’ll be there. In the middle of the night when you wake up from a nightmare, I’ll be right there. When you graduate, I’ll be there. When you get off work from your first day at your dream job, I’ll be there. When you get married, even if it’s not to me, I’ll be there. When you get into a fight and need somewhere to stay the night, I’ll be there. When you need someone to watch the kids, I’ll be there.

Tommy was right up close to me. Right there. I could just lean forward a little and kiss him. I wanted to. So badly. Instead, I pulled away a little, putting some more space between us. 

We ended up dancing for a long time. I had no idea how long, really. The last song we danced to was one I’d never heard before, and Tommy seemed to love it. He mouthed along with the words and danced more enthusiastically, pulling me into it as well. It was a catchy song, definitely, and fun to dance to. I grinned even wider.

After that one ended we were both a little out of breath. Tommy slowly let go of my hands and we weaseled our way back to the bar.

Most of the time, I love Sonya. Like now.

We got drinks and leaned against the bar. 

“That was fun,” Tommy said.

“Yeah, it was. Thanks.”

“Oh, yeah. Anytime.” Something was off in his tone. I didn’t question it right now, though. 

“What time is it?”

“Nearly ten.”

“D’ya see Sonny and Harriet?” I asked. I looked for them and thought I saw them a couple times, but it turned out that it wasn’t them. 

“No, it’s too dark to see properly. You ready to go?”

“Yeah, I think so. You?”

“Yeah. I’m getting kinda tired,” he said. “It’s been a lot of fun, though.”

“I guess I’ll text Sonny. Who knows if she’ll know she got a message, though.”

_Hey, ready to go? Nearly ten._

I waited a few minutes, looking around occasionally. 

“BOO!” 

I jumped into Tommy, heart pounding. 

“Bloody hell, Sonny. Why?”

Harriet was hiding a smile behind her hand. I glared at her, too, even if she hadn’t had anything to do with it. Sonya shrugged. “You’re funny to scare.” 

I sighed. “Well if you’re done trying to give me a heart attack, we’re ready to go.”

She nodded. “Yup.”

We went outside. The air was frightfully cold. Sonny and Harriet walked in front of Tommy and me, at a faster pace. We hadn’t gone far before Tommy starting rubbing his hands together and blowing into them. I caught up to Sonya.

“Sonny, can I have your scarf?” She took it off and tossed it back to me. I stopped after I caught it. “Thanks. C’mere, Tommy.” 

I wrapped the scarf around his neck and the tails around his hands. “There ya go. It’ll keep your hands warm, too.”

“Thanks,” he said. I looked up from where I held his hands. He gave me a tiny smile. I returned it. It almost felt like we were about to kiss. 

“C’mon, lovebirds! I don’t want to be locked out!” Sonya shouted back. She and Harriet had stopped at the crosswalk to wait for us.

Tommy and I quickly stepped apart and jogged to catch up with them. Once we got across the road Harriet and Sonya took the lead again. I had a guess why they were in a hurry, and it wasn’t the cold.

My phone pinged and I checked the message. It was from Sonya.

 _So, looked like you and the Greenie had fun. ;D_  
_Yes._  
_How’d you ask him?_  
Uh-oh. Of course she’d ask me that.  
_I’ll bet you told him I dared you._  
Great. How the bloody hell did she always guess?  


You totally did, didn’t you?  
_Maybe._  
_Did you tell him I dared you to dance with him for forty-something minutes?_

_Was it that long?_   
_Yep. Between when Harry texted me and you did, anyway. You looked awful close there for a while. I can practically feel the tension between you two._   
_It’s not like that. It’s just a one-sided crush. He only danced with me because he thought you’d dared me._   
_And then for how long after? You didn’t have to keep asking him. He likes you, Newt. Trust me; I wouldn’t tease you about this sort of thing. He really does like you. I can tell. ___

I sighed and put my phone away.

“Everything okay?”

I gave Tommy a reassuring smile. “Yeah, everything’s fine.” I wanted to reach out and put an arm around his waist and lean my head against his. But I couldn’t, because no matter what Sonya said, no matter if Tommy liked me, he wasn’t ready for that. There were things that haunted him. Things he wouldn’t talk about. I was sure that he wouldn’t be ready for a relationship with anyone until he’d overcome them. 

And I was going to wait until he was ready to tell me. _Oh, I swear to you, I’ll be there for you._


	11. Chapter 11

I should tell him. I should just tell him. Teresa thinks I should tell him. But I can’t. What’s he going to do about it anyway? I’ve got another two weeks to come up with something.

   

That’s what I thought two weeks ago. Now it’s 1:26 in the morning and I’m paying the rent next month with my phone. In five seconds, I’ll be broke. Four. Three. Two. One. I shut the phone off and set it on the nightstand. I can start the countdown now. Five weeks till I’m homeless. I started crying, trying hard to stop myself. I didn’t want to wake Newt up.

   

A few minutes later and I heard quiet music. Newt shifted and it was silent again. I didn’t move, but I couldn’t stop the sob. Moments later Newt’s arm was around me and he was shushing me gently. It only made me cry harder. I rolled over to press against him, tucking my head under his. Five weeks until I had to leave him.

   

The next morning, or rather, later that morning, I was deliberately a few minutes late to breakfast and sat with Chuck, who happily talked away while I pretended to listen and be interested. Normally I did, but I was too preoccupied today.

   

After I’d wolfed down my breakfast I went upstairs again and gathered up the books I’d thought about selling a month ago. Maybe the bookstore would take them. Maybe I’d get the thirty bucks for them. Maybe that would buy me food in the future.

   

I didn’t have time to hide and avoid Newt when I saw him in the hallway. He came up and hugged me, and I fought back tears. I should tell him.

   

“Why do you have an alarm set for the middle of the night?” was what I said, voice cracking only a little bit. I pulled back.

   

He bit his lip and didn’t meet my gaze. “So that I can check on you?”

   

“Was that a question?”

   

He sighed. “I have an alarm set for 1:30, one for 3:30, and one for 5:15. I only need to be awake for a few moments to see if you’re okay, so I never lose that much sleep. I wouldn’t’ve known you were upset last night if I didn’t have them.”

   

“You wake yourself up multiple times in the middle of the night to make sure I’m okay?”

   

“Yeah?”

   

I hugged him again, closing my eyes and focusing on memorizing what it felt like to be hugged by Newt. “Thank you.” 

   

Five weeks until he didn’t have to do that anymore.

   

I sold the books for twenty dollars. Now I had forty. I’d doubled my funds and yet it made me miserable. Probably because I had no way to make more. I’d sold everything I could sell. Right now, anyway. The rest of my possessions would go in five weeks, when I lost my home. There would be no need for them then. I could finish the year at college, but with nowhere to live it would just be embarrassing. Humiliating, mortifying. Any and all other synonyms you can think of.

Finally, the day came. I knew when I opened my eyes, but I didn’t want to face the facts. I lay still in bed for a few minutes before pulling myself together and checking my phone. It was seven a.m. on October first. I tucked my knees up to my chest and sobbed, dropping my head forward and curling in on myself. That was it. Four weeks.

   

“Hey, hey, Tommy. Shh, it’s okay.” Arms wrapped around me. Arms thst, after four weeks, I would never feel again.

   

“It’s not okay. Nothing is okay. It’s over, everything’s over.”

   

“What happened, Tommy?” The sweet, gentle tone twisted the knife. I would never see Newt again. Everything was over.

   

I shook my head. “It’s October. It’s over. The money’s gone.”

   

“What?”

   

“The rent. I spent the last on the rent this month.” The tears flowed faster. There isn’t any more. No more. “I’ve got forty dollars.”

   

“Oh, Tommy,” he breathed.

   

I cried harder. “I don’t want to go.”

   

“Shh, Tommy, shh. It’s okay.”

   

“It’s not!”

   

“It will be, Tommy.”

   

“I should’ve listened to Teresa. I should’ve told you sooner. I couldn’t. I was scared. I didn’t want it to be real. Now it’s too late. It’s all over.”

   

“No it’s not, love. It’s alright. You’re not going anywhere, ya hear me? We’re going to make this work, okay? I’ve got you.”

   

I clutched his arm. He didn’t understand.

   

“I’m going to take care of you, Tommy. I’ve got you. You’re not going anywhere.”

   

“I can’t, Newt, there’s no more.”

   

“Shh, I know. I know. It’s going to be okay, though. I’ve got you.”

   

I wished it were that simple. I wished he could just hold me and tell me it would be okay and that that would make it okay.

   

“Hey, guess what today is? It’s Friday. So after our classes, instead of going to that party Minho’s friend invited us to, let’s go find you a job, okay?”

   

I nodded hopelessly.

   

###

   

I chewed my lip all through class. Poor, poor little Tommy. I should’ve asked him what was wrong weeks ago. I should’ve forced him to tell me. No, I shouldn’t’ve. But I should have figured it out. I should have been able to help him.

   

I felt terrible. I’d never seen Tommy so upset. The way he’d gripped my arm...it was the grip one would have on something to keep from going over a waterfall. He was mine and I hadn’t been there for him when he needed me. Now he thought I was all he had left. The only thing I could do was to help him. God knows what his mental state is. The panic attacks, the middle-of-the-night crying, the nervous fidgeting, it all made sense now. It also worried me. If I couldn’t see that something was truly bothering Tommy, maybe I wasn’t worthy of him.

   

Well of course I wasn’t worthy of him. Such a sweet person, who cared about everyone, even the people most people didn’t like, was far better than I was worthy of. But maybe, maybe, the universe was being kind. Maybe one day Tommy would be mine.

   

All the Gladers loved Tommy. They wouldn’t kick him out. But he did need more than forty dollars to get through life. And I was his mentor. I was supposed to look out for him. So I was going to. I was going to help him find a job and he was going to be fine. I was going to fix this.

We went to Savoy first, but they had no openings. Then we tried the bookstore, then the motel, then the candy store. When they turned us away, I didn’t know what to do.

Tommy started crying in front of the store, though he tried to hide it. I guided him around to the back and sat down, making grabby hands at him until he sat in my lap. I held him close, petting his hair. Sweet little Tommy. I rocked from side to side, humming softly.

“Tommy, it’s going to be okay.”

“You don’t have to keep saying that, Newt. I know it’s not going to be.”

Oh, honey. Sweet, precious little angel. My little sweetheart.

“No, Tommy, it will be. I promise. When have I ever broken a promise to you?”

“When you promised you wouldn’t eat my Oreos last week.”

I fought off a smile. “Other than that.”

“Never.”

“That’s right. And this isn’t an Oreo promise, okay? You’re going to be just fine, okay?”

“Newt, I can’t pay the rent.”

“So what? We’re not going to kick you out, Tommy, okay? We need you. You’re our best Runner.”

“Really?”

“Did you really think we’d kick you out?”

“I’m your best Runner?”

“That’s what you took from that?” I smiled into his neck, cuddling him a little closer. He was mine, and there was no way I was letting him go. “Yes, Tommy. You’re our best Runner and you don’t mind when Chuck talks at you for two hours straight. And you help anyone who needs it, even if it’s not really your job. Like when you helped Gally fix the treehouse, which I know ended in a near-violent fight, but it’s the thought that counts, innit?”

He was quiet for a long moment. “I trust you, Newt.”

Something about that tone made me feel like that meant a lot. More than I understood. Maybe more than I would ever understand, but I did understand that this was an important moment. Tommy was saying something truly heartfelt here, and I needed to respond appropriately.

“I’m glad I’ve earned your trust, Tommy,” I said gently, “and I will do my very best to make sure that I’m worthy of it. Right now that means keeping my promise that everything will be okay, so if you’re calm again, we’d better get back to finding you a job.”

I resisted the urge to kiss him on the forehead and simply smiled at him. “You know where we forgot to ask?”

“Where?” he wiped his eyes.

“Starbucks.”

Twenty minutes later we had a job application and Tommy wouldn’t let go of me. He was crying again, but this time they were happy tears. I let him squeeze me half to death, hugging him back until he’d calmed down a little.

“Now, if you’re going to turn that in tomorrow and not fail your classes, we need to go home and you need to fill that out and study. Good that?”

“Good that,” he said into my shoulder. “Thank you.”

“What for?”

“Believing in me when I didn’t.” I didn’t know what to say. He let go of me and gave me a watery smile. “And it wasn’t an Oreo promise after all.”

I smiled. “C’mon, Tommy. Home we go.”

A minute later and I noticed Tommy was practically shaking.

“You okay?” I watched him closely. Was he having another panic attack?

“Fine. Just a little cold.”

“Here,” I said, taking off my coat. “Why didn’t you say something, Tommy?”

“No, no, you keep it. I’m fine.”

“No you most certainly are not, Thomas. Now put the coat on,” I said sternly.

“Yes, sir.”

I swallowed. It had been quite a long time since anyone called me that. And now I was blushing and trying not to think about Tommy in compromising positions.

“Wow, you really are skinny.”

“What?” I asked, startled out of my dirty thoughts.

“You. Skinny.”

The jacket was too snug, but he sure looked bloody good in it. Seeing him in my clothes, my _leather_ clothes, was not a good thing right now.

“C’mon before we both freeze,” I muttered. Bloody hell. Now was not the time to be fantasizing. In fact, never was a good time to be fantasizing about the man I couldn’t have, who happened to be my best friend. Who thinks about their best friend tied up with leather? Me, apparently. No, Newt. Stop it.

We got back to the Glade without me jumping him, but I avoided looking at him while he took the jacket off and thanked me. I nodded and smiled at him, and we went upstairs.

“Tommy, I know you’re really excited about this and I’m not trying to burst your bubble, but it’s just an application at this point.”

“I know, don’t put all my eggs in one basket, or whatever the Glade slang equivalent is. Tomorrow’s Saturday, so I’ll get my work done in the morning and then I can look for more job opportunities all afternoon. Thanks for getting me back on track, Newt.”

I really didn’t know what to say. I just nodded and looked away from his intense gaze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It may be a little longer till my next update, but here's what I've got for now!


	12. Chapter 12

It was Friday night, the week after Tommy had started job hunting. Thankfully, he’d calmed down about the situation and wasn’t panicking over having to leave. I’d spoken to the Keepers and explained the situation.

At first they were sad, seeming to think that Tommy had decided to leave the Glade. As I carefully worded the rest of my explanation, they realized what was going on and cut me off in their hurry to assure me that Glade House definitely wanted to keep Tommy here and would be happy to allow him more time before he had to pay the rent.

“Newt? Hey, there you are. Guess what?” Tommy said, flying into the room. His eyes were shining and he had a grin a mile wide.

   

“What?”

   

“I got a job.” He laughed. “I actually got a job!”

   

I hugged him as hard as I could. I was so relieved. So, so relieved.

   

“I’m so bloody proud of you, Tommy.”

   

He pulled away and started speaking as fast as he could.

   

“I can pay the rent, Newt. I can, I just need an extra week. Please. I will pay it. I promise. Just give me a little more time.”

   

I cupped his cheeks. “Shh, shh, Tommy, Tommy,” I said soothingly.

   

He stilled and stopped his rushed speech, eyes flickering over my face.

   

“Of course, Tommy. If you need a little more time, that’s fine. I’ll tell Alby and it’ll all be just fine.”

   

He nodded and hugged me again, gently, leaning his head against my shoulder. He sighed contentedly. I smiled and wrapped my arms around him.

   

“I’m so proud of you.”

   

He hummed, apparently perfectly happy to relax in my arms. That was absolutely agreeable to me. Cuddling Tommy was one of my favorite parts of life.

   

Eventually, though, I pulled back slowly.

   

“Hm?” Tommy blinked a few times.

   

“Did you fall asleep?”

   

“Dunno. Maybe.”

   

I smiled. He was so bloody precious.     

That night I was tempted to just climb into bed with him, but that would be crossing a line that perhaps didn’t need to be crossed just yet. So I went to sleep in my own bed, having to be content with being in the same room as Tommy.

   

I woke with a start to Tommy screaming my name. He was thrashing in his sleep, crying. I hurried to his side and brushed his hair from his forehead, shushing him.

   

“Tommy, I’m here. It’s okay.”

   

“Not Newt. Please. Please no, no! Newt!”

   

He woke up with a gasp, eyes wide and full of fear.

   

“I’m here, love. I’m here. It’s okay.”

    

   

He sobbed, clutching my arm and gasping for breath. I didn’t really know what to do. This was the worst I’d ever seen him from a nightmare, and they’d never involved me. Never.

   

“Newt,” his voice cracked on the word and he reached with a trembling hand to touch my cheek. Just a tender, questioning little touch. “You’re okay?”

   

I nodded, still petting his hair. “I’m fine, love. I’m fine.”

   

“You’re okay. Newt.” He sank back against the pillow. His sob seemed one of relief. I wiped away his tears with my thumb, speaking gently.

   

“I’m okay, Tommy. I promise. Everything’s just fine. It was just a dream. I’m right here, see? Everything’s alright.”

   

“Can I hold you?” he asked, half shy, half desperate.

   

“Of course, Tommy,” I said, shifting to lie down with my head on his shoulder and one arm draped over his stomach. I hummed. This was new, and quite nice, really.

   

His breathing was gradually becoming steadier, and his heartrate went back to normal. I listened to the steady, quiet rhythm and snuggled a little closer, closing my eyes.

   

When I woke up I was in pretty much the same position. I looked up to Tommy’s face, and found him looking down at me. I smiled at him.

   

“Mornin’.”

   

“Hey,” he replied, avoiding meeting my eyes.

“You alright?”

He nodded, then paused for a moment. He sighed and shook his head. “No. I’m not alright. I haven’t been alright in a long time.”

I was surprised by his honesty, but definitely appreciated him opening up a bit. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I can’t. Not yet, anyway.” He looked down at me sadly. “I do want to tell you, Newt. I just can’t yet. Soon, maybe, but not right now.”

“Just as well, Tommy,” I smiled. “Got to get ready for the day.”

I started to get up, but he held me down gently.

“Don’t go just yet. We’ve got a little time before breakfast,” he mumbled.

The dream, I realized. He was still worried about me. I felt suddenly sad. I looked up at him but he wouldn’t meet my eyes.

“Tommy.” He looked at me. “I’m okay. It was just a dream. I’m right here and I’m okay.”

He shook his head. “It wasn’t just a dream. It was...what happened to me. But in the dream it was you and not me.”

That was the most Tommy had ever said about What Happened. I tread carefully, not wanting him to close up because he felt pressured.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He shook his head again. “Not yet. Soon, but not yet. I’m sorry. I do _want_ to tell you, Newt. It’s just not something I can chat about yet. Soon, though.”

I gave him a little smile. “Okay, Tommy. Don’t stress over it, okay? I’m here when you’re ready.”

He nodded. “Thank you, Newt.”

It was one of those heartfelt ‘thank you’s of his that left me unable to say ‘you’re welcome’ they were so sincere. We lay silent for a few minutes, until Tommy finally let me up. 

“Well, I’m going out for a bit. I’ll see you later,” he said.

“Okay. Have fun,” I replied, smiling. It wasn’t often that Tommy didn’t invite me to go with him, so I made a point of respecting time he wanted alone.

***

I made my joyful way to the club that night after a wonderful day of wandering aimlessly around various shops downtown. Thanks to Kathy, who had a job at Starbucks and had put in a good word for me, I had a job. I was going to make money. I was going to stay at the Glade. 

Kathy and I had planned a little celebratory get together at the club. She and I had a few classes together and had been texting a bit, just as friends. We had a lot in common. It was nice having a girl I could just be friends with, without worrying that they liked me, or thought that I liked them. She kept encouraging me to ask Newt out and said that if he didn’t say yes he was too stupid for me to get mixed up with anyway.

Newt had been sweet, as usual, since our dancing. He hadn’t mentioned it, and neither had I. It had been the best night of my life, even if I was a little drunk at that point. I kept wondering why we’d gone to that club.

Harriet and Sonya were together, but Newt and I were both single. I was gay, so it made sense for me to go there, but none of them knew that, and Newt… Newt’s sexuality remained a mystery. I’d heard his ex mentioned a few times, but there was never a conclusive pronoun. It was frustrating in the extreme.

He’d seemed like he was having a lot of fun dancing with me, but then you had to take into account that we were probably both intoxicated and that we were good friends. Maybe it was just a dare that turned out to be kinda fun. Maybe he regretted it. I didn’t know. I would never know if I didn’t just come out. Soon. Maybe Monday.

   

“There’s my bro. Hey, bro,” Kathy said. “Let’s go in, it’s freezing.”     

I followed her in, and she started swaying to the beat almost immediately.

   

“You know what you need to do? Find a cute guy and dance with him. Take a chance. Have a good time. I know Blondie will always be the One, but a little dancing for a little of one night won’t hurt a thing, okay?”

   

“If you say so. You want a drink?”

   

She tilted her head back and forth a few times. I couldn’t tell if she was thinking or dancing.

   

“Nah, I don’t think so. Not yet. I’ll be goofing around. Find a cute guy, ya hear? I’m freakin’ serious, Tommy Trumpet.”

   

Ever since she found out my love for the song Freaks by Savage and Timmy Trumpet, she’d called me Tommy Trumpet.

   

“Fine, but only for a little while, and I’m getting a drink first.”

   

“So be it. See you!”

   

I went to the bar. The girl Newt had been talking to that night was there, too. She looked up as I approached and smiled.

   

“Hey, you’re Thomas, right?” I nodded. “I’m Brenda. I’m Jorge’s niece. The Spanish teacher?”

   

“Oh, yeah, nice to meet you properly.”

   

“Funny thing, I don’t speak Spanish. I’ve always taken French. Don’t really know why. Anyway, I saw you here when you and the Trio were here a couple weeks ago. I would’ve introduced myself then, but you looked like you were having too much fun.” She grinned.

   

I smiled back, choosing not to comment.

   

“I’ll probably get into the Glade in the spring. Despite the whole ‘the Glade finds you’ thing, they do actually let you apply. And I know a lot of them, so I’ve got a foot in the door, so to speak. I’m looking forward to it. It’s a nice house.”

   

I didn’t really like Brenda. She seemed too confident. In a bad way.

   

“Oh, there’s my girlfriend. See you!”

   

She started off towards a dancing girl who looked familiar. Really familiar. _Really_ familiar. And then she turned around and I choked on my drink.

   

Teresa.

   

Now, problem one: Teresa had _never_ mentioned being bisexual or a lesbian. Problem two: Why hadn’t she, if she was? Problem three: If she wasn’t, why did she have a girlfriend? Problem four: What was she wearing? I believe people call it a body glove. I just wanted some bleach to erase the sigh of someone I considered my sister dancing around seductively in _that_.

   

What the hell, T. You do you. I’m going to go find a cute guy and have a dance or two.

   

He looked a little like Newt. He was blond, and something about his smile reminded me of him. Kathy would probably be disappointed. But hey. I was dancing with a guy. For the second time in my life. It was nice. I felt like Thomas 2.0. Heck, maybe I’d go straight home and tell Newt everything tonight.

   

No. Bad idea. That was the alcohol talking.

   

When about four songs had gone by, he suggested taking this somewhere else. I declined in a state of slight panic. He faded into the crowd. Overall, good experience. I danced with a couple more guys, and by that I mean they were a couple and seemed to take a shine to me and included me in their dancing in some sort of weird sort-of-triangle. It was a long time before I was about ready to go home. I smiled and thanked them before weaving my way off the dancefloor and pulling out my phone. Five missed calls from Newt. Several texts from Newt. I read them from most to least recent.

   

_Please text me back, Tommy. Please._  
    _Okay mate, I’m getting really worried now. ___  
_Are you there?_  
    _Text me something so I know that you’re okay. Please._  
    _Hey Tommy, don’t mean to bother you but it’s been another twenty minutes and still nothing. Please text back._  
    _Tommy? ___  
_It’s been twenty minutes. I’m a bit worried about you now._  
    _Hey Tommy, just checking up on you. It’s 10 and you’re not back yet, which is a bit unusual. Sonny says I need to chill and let you have fun, but I don’t know where you are and I just wanted to make sure you were okay. ___

_____ _

___ _

I felt sick. The first message he’d sent me was an hour ago. He sent another just then.

   

_Tommy, I’m about five minutes away from forming a search party. PLEASE text me back._

   

I typed back as fast as I could.

   

_I’m at the club, I didn’t hear the text notifications. I’m sorry I worried you. I’m on my way back now. Don’t worry, I’m fine!_

   

I texted Kathy to tell her I had to go and she met me at the door.

   

“Have fun?”

   

“Tons, but I’ve really got to go. Newt’s been trying to get ahold of me for like an hour. I should get back and reassure him I haven’t been kidnapped or something.”

   

She nodded. “Yeah, yeah, don’t keep Blondie waiting.”

   

I suddenly remembered that Teresa was there and paused to ask, “By the way, have you seen this girl around here?” I showed her a picture on my phone.

   

”Oh yeah, that’s Teresa. She’s almost always here, it seems like. Why?”

   

“Because she has some explaining to do. She’s my cousin. She’s one of the only people who knows I’m gay and never told me she had a girlfriend, so I’m a little upset. But. Gotta go. I’ll see you at work.

   

“Yeah, see you! Text me later, I need some more details on the sneaky lesbian cousin.”

   

I hurried along the sidewalk to get back to the Glade and met Newt about halfway. He hugged me, much tighter than normal and for a great deal longer.

   

“I’m okay. I promise. I was just at the club. I forgot to put my phone on vibrate and I couldn’t hear it in there.” He nodded, still holding me. It worried me and I asked, “Are you okay?”

   

He pulled away reluctantly and nodded. “I am now.”

   

I felt terrible. He looked like he hadn’t slept in a week, like he’d used up that much energy worrying about me. I put an arm around his shoulders as we walked back to the Glade, trying to offer him as much comfort as possible.

   

Today started to seem horrible, now that I thought about it. I’d gone to a lot of places Newt would’ve loved to have gone to with me, I’d danced with three other guys at the club, and in doing so I’d made him really worry about me. I felt like I’d cheated on him. It was the worst feeling I’d ever had. Neither of us said anything until we got back to the Glade.

   

“I’m so sorry,” I said, voice thick.

   

“Hey, Tommy, Tommy, it’s not that big a deal, okay? Everyone knows I overreact to stuff like that. I’ve made the same mistake several times with not turning the phone to vibrate and I should’ve thought about that or your battery being dead. I’m not mad, you’re not in trouble with the Keepers, nothing like that, okay? It’s fine. I panicked unecessarily.”

   

“Yeah, you panicked because I wasn’t careful. I made you worry. I didn’t…” I sighed. He tilted his head and led me upstairs.

   

I sat on his bed and he sat beside me. I wanted to lean against him, but I restrained myself.

   

“Sonya used to sneak out at night to see her girlfriend. Before we moved from England. She was fourteen, wasn’t allowed to be dating, etc. One night I was up late studying and was on my way to get a glass of water when I noticed the light was on in her room, but she wasn’t there. I couldn’t find her anywhere in the house, and I panicked. I didn’t know where she was, who she might be with, anything. She wouldn’t answer her phone, she wouldn’t text. Since then I tend to overreact when I don’t hear back from someone pretty quickly.”

   

That made me feel even worse.

   

“Oh, Tommy. It’s okay. Let’s get some sleep, yeah? It’ll all be better in the morning.”

   

I nodded and changed clothes and brushed my teeth. When I came back out, Newt was in bed, facing away from me. Maybe I was still under the influence of my drink at the club, maybe not. Either way, I climbed into bed beside him. He stiffened and took a long time to relax again. But he did, and fell asleep. I snuggled a little closer before I drifted off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's some more! I'm so sorry about the funky formatting, I don't know what's up with that. :(


	13. Chapter 13

Apparently, someone in the Glade knew someone who knew someone who'd rented an indoor pool, and we were having a pool party. Fine by me. Tommy had seemed a little reluctant to come, but I figured it would be good for him to get out for a bit. He’d spent too much time studying recently. Now that he wasn’t stressing about money, he was stressing about school.

   

So here we were hanging around in an enormous indoor pool, in the winter, with the music much too loud. Tommy skulked in a corner--fully dressed--with a drink, despite many of the Gladers trying to lure him into the water.

   

And then Scott nabbed him while he was getting another drink and pushed him in. People started laughing. I, however, noticed the look in his eyes when he came up. I'd never seen anything comparable to it. It was utter terror, and was pale as a ghost. He went under again. I swam over to him and helped him out and away. No one said anything or tried to stop us. Tommy was shaking, muscles stiff as though he were bracing himself. I was worried about his breathing, too. It was sharp and ragged, and he didn't seem to be getting any air. He looked like he was going to be sick.

   

"Tommy? What do you need?" I asked, trying to get him to look at me. He shook his head and gasped again. "Breathe, Tommy. Focus on something. Something, um," I thought wildly. "Numbers. Count my fingers, okay? Please try, Tommy."

    He got through ten and was finally breathing before Teresa appeared out of nowhere.

   

"Oh my God, Tom. It's Friday, okay? Friday, and we're hanging out with our friends. Tomorrow, you were going to go to the bookstore for more materials for your class. Focus on tomorrow." She looked at me and swallowed, worry evident in her eyes. "You need to get him home. Keep him away from water, don't give him water, don't even mention it, okay? Talk about the future. I'll get our stuff and follow you back." I nodded and gently guided Tommy to the car, talking and talking to him, trying to ground him. It seemed to work. He was breathing normally and didn't look like he was going to be sick. I fished a chocolate bar out of the console and handed it to him.

   

"Eat, you'll feel better."

   

"Are you resorting to Harry Potter references to calm me down now?" He forced a smile.

   

"No, I’m perfectly serious. Chocolate releases endorphins in the brain. It helps relieve stress and pain. Now eat, Tommy."

   

"Yes, professor."

   

It made me feel a little more confident that he was okay with him making little remarks like that. It showed he was thinking clearly, anyway. When we got back to the Glade, I sent him up to our room to change while I swiftly raided the pantry. Frypan wouldn't mind. It was for a good cause. Teresa showed up a minute later.

   

"How is he?"

   

"I think he's okay. He's talking, anyway."

   

She nodded. "Good. You're good for him, you know. It usually takes at least an hour to calm him down when he's that bad."

   

"I just wish he'd tell me what happened. That scared him so badly."

   

"Well, I can't tell you. It's his story to tell. But, you should know that he can't swim."

   

"I'm banishing Scott. We can't have anyone who endangers the safety of the other Gladers."

   

"He didn't mean any harm, though."

   

"No, but if I hadn't been paying attention, Tommy could've drowned. No one else noticed what was actually happening.” I paused, pulling myself out of my Scott-directed anger. “I'd better get to Tommy. He shouldn't be alone."

She nodded and I rushed upstairs. I set up snacks and my laptop on his bed and we pulled the covers up over us. Tommy didn’t say a word, but it was clear he wanted to be close to me. So we snacked and cuddled and watched a terribly made reality TV series about flight attendants on YouTube until Tommy dozed off. It was around six and I got a text from Teresa, checking up on us. I gave her a brief summary of how things were and she said not to leave him alone, especially while he slept. Nightmares, I assumed.

   

"Well, Tommy, I guess I'll take a nap, too," I whispered, moving things aside and snuggling down beside him.

   

He looked quite peaceful and I smiled. He was so very pretty. I sighed. I liked him too much for my own good. I was so close to him, but things weren't exactly the way I wanted them to be. If they were, I'd know what was wrong and would be cuddling Tommy within an inch of his life. Poor little thing. I was going to give Scott one hell of a tongue lashing before the banishing ceremony.

   

I fell asleep to that thought.

   

Tommy screamed, waking me in an instant. I hurried to turn the lamp on, and tried to hold him still. He started thrashing violently, hot tears slipping from his eyes. When he woke he started pleading vaguely. I tried to soothe him, running a hand over his cheek.

   

"Shh, Tommy, shh. It's Newt. It's okay. It's alright."

   

He grabbed my arm tightly, practically gulping for air. I pet his hair, talking to him quietly. He'd never been this upset before. When he'd finally got control of his breathing again I moved to snuggle him, but he shook his head.

   

"No, we need to talk. I need to tell you."

   

"No, Tommy. Not while you're this upset. Okay? I don't want you to regret it. I'm glad you want to tell me, but you need to be calm first, okay?"

   

He nodded. "You're right. Hold me?"

   

"Of course, Tommy," I said soothingly. "I've got you."

   

We lay in silence, me cuddling him for all I was worth. I felt terrible that I didn't know what else to do, how to help him. I thought Tommy had fallen asleep, and only realized that he was in fact wide awake when he started talking.

   

"I...I'm gay, Newt. I came out my first year of high school. There was a little group of bullies, and they picked on me. Shoved me into lockers, called me names. I was handling it, though. Everything was fine, until one evening...Teresa had come to visit and we were going to watch a football game together. We split up afterward so that she could talk to someone, and they grabbed me. Knocked me out. When I woke up, it was dark and I was in a shed somewhere.” He paused, taking another shaky breath. He was trembling and I was tempted to stop him before he had a panic attack, but he soldiered on. “They were there. They...they beat me up, badly, and held my head under in a bucket of water. Said they were going to drown the gay out of me. They held me under till I was unconscious. I woke up in hospital. Teresa had found me, screamed at the bullies till they ran off, and called an ambulance. I had a couple broken ribs, but I was alive. When my parents found out what had happened, well, that was how I came out to them. They disowned me and kicked me out. I transferred schools and lived with Teresa and her parents until this fall. I've been scared of swimming since. I take showers instead of baths. The first time I tried taking a bath I had a panic attack. The nightmares have been happening since it happened."

   

I was stunned. Who could do that to someone? To Tommy? I felt tears welling up. My poor little Tommy.

   

"Newt?"

   

"I'm so sorry, Tommy," I said thickly.     

"You're not mad?"

   

"That you're gay? That would be rather hypocritical of me."

   

"You're..."

   

It hit me. Blimey, the poor little thing. Maybe he would've told me sooner. Maybe he wouldn't have suffered for so long.     

"You didn't know? You must be literally the only one here who doesn't know I'm gay. I'm so sorry, Tommy. I thought you knew. Do you need anything? Cup of tea?"

   

He shook his head. "I like the way you say anything," he said softly.

   

"You do?"

   

"I said that?"

   

"Yeah. Tommy, look at me, please."

   

He rolled over, chewing his lip. Seeing his face properly broke the dam and I started crying.

   

"How could they do that? To you of all people? Sweet, helpful, selfless little you? What did you ever do to them? I'm so sorry. You're safe here, okay? Perfectly safe. Everything's okay now. Scott's going to be banished. This'll never happen again."

   

"No, you don't have to banish anyone."

   

"Tommy, at the very least, you can't swim. Thoughtlessness like he displayed will not be tolerated. I'd do the same if it were anyone else, too."

   

"Newt, don't cry. Please don't cry."

   

"I..." I choked up. I need you. I'll be here for you. I'll protect you. Be mine.

   

"Come here. It's okay. I'm okay now. I've got you now. I know I'm safe with you."

   

I buried my face in his shoulder and cried. My poor, sweet little Tommy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If feedback is the food of inspiration, comment on!


	14. Chapter 14

I’d told Newt. I felt so much lighter inside now. I hadn’t had a nightmare since that night a week ago, work was fine, I’d paid the rent, my grades were excellent, everything was great.

Except it wasn’t. Something had changed. Newt and I were still close, but I’d catch him looking at me so sadly sometimes. Maybe he felt betrayed. He’d thought I was his best friend and even went as far cuddling me all night to make me feel better, and now it looked like I’d been sneakily taking advantage of him. I felt horrible whenever I thought about. Kathy said to give it time, and I trusted her, so I was giving it time. Still, a week without a proper conversation about what had happened was starting to worry me.

Today, though, I was working up the courage to confront Teresa about her girlfriend. I knocked on her door and shifted nervously.

“Tom. Uh, not really a good time, sorry.”

She looked a little disheveled and was blushing. She was also blocking the door. I nodded.

“Sorry. I’ll leave you and Brenda to it, then.”

Her eyes widened. “Tom…”

I shook my head. “I thought we were close. I thought we told each other everything. And now I find out about this by running into your _girlfriend_.” I turned and walked away.

I ran into Minho on the way up the stairs to the guys’ side of the house and he grabbed my arm, dragging me into his room. I didn’t come in here often.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Well, let’s see. You show up and get all snuggly with my best friend, and now he looks miserable and you’re avoiding him.” Wow. He was actually angry at me. That was new.

“He’s avoiding me as much as I’m avoiding him.”

“Is he? Because last I looked, he was pretending not to be waiting for you in the dining room doorway and you went out through the kitchen. What the shuck is going on?”

“It’s personal,” I said hesitantly.

“Nothing’s too personal to pry out of you when it comes to you hurting Newt. I want the truth, Thomas.”

“I’m gay. I told him, and things are weird now. I don’t know what to do,” I blurted out. What the hell? It had taken me months to tell _Newt_ , my most trusted friend, and now here I was just blurting it out.

He sighed. “Is that all?”

I spluttered a little. “Isn’t that enough?”

“Greenie, you can run, and you do pretty well in school, but sometimes you are the shuckiest shuckfaced shuck there ever was. Talk to him. Quit hiding.” I started to protest. “I get that you’re probably giving me the short version, but no matter what was said, if you tell him you need to talk to him about it, he will drop anything and everything and talk to you. He is the most caring person I’ve ever had the honor of meeting. Just talk to him, okay? He’ll listen and you can straighten this out.”

“You’re sure?”

He nodded. “Absolutely. Welcome to the club, by the way. Well, sort of. The non-heterosexual club, anyway.” My eyebrows shot up. He snorted and shook his head. “You really are clueless, aren’t you?” He paused and put a hand on my shoulder. “You take care of him, you hear me? He may act like he’s got the least problems of anyone, but there’s something he won’t talk about. Just…take care of him, yeah?” He looked deadly serious.

I nodded. “My word as a Runner.”

“Good that. Now, go talk to him.”

I found Newt in our room, listening to music. Melancholy music. He didn’t even look up when I came in. I picked up his phone off the desk and looked up ‘Clocks’ on Spotify. He looked up at the change of song, but back down again.

“I’m not good at talking about things. I like to explain stuff without saying it. That’s why I like instrumental music so much.” I sat down beside him. “Communicating without words.” 

“Me too.” He didn’t look at me.

“What I had to say that night I couldn’t tell any other way. And what I have to say now can’t either.” I sighed. “Things haven’t been easy lately. Most of it you know, but I’ve been stressing about telling you, and school, and now Teresa has a girlfriend and never told me anything about it. My life is one shucked up mess. Or it was, anyway. Till I met you.”

He looked up at me, those pretty brown eyes just gazing into mine.

“I don’t think you’ll ever know what you’ve done for me. I used to be so scared. Scared of talking to people because I didn’t want to accidentally say I was gay. A lot of guys scared me because they reminded me of that night. Scared of going anywhere alone. But then I came here, and you were the sweetest person I’d ever met. You included me and looked out for me. You didn’t try to make me tell you what had happened, but you made it clear I could always come to you. You showed me affection that I’d been missing for years. You believed in me. You...you changed my life, very much for the better. I’d be stupid not to see that.”

“Tommy, it wasn’t all me.”

“No, but you were the glue. You united all the things that helped me. If it hadn't been for you, none of the ther stuff would've changed anything.”

He gave me a soft smile and sighed. “So why are you avoiding me?”

“I don’t know. Something’s different now. I was worried you were upset that I kept it a secret and we were so close and that you’d think I was taking advantage of you.”

"Whoa, whoa, Tommy. Why on earth would you think that?”

“All the cuddling, for one thing,” I mumbled.

“I’m the gay guy who cuddled you without you knowing I was gay.”

“Well I did exactly the same thing.”

“Maybe. But I’m not mad. I just...I don’t bloody know. I guess I didn’t know how to proceed from the other night. I can’t believe anyone would do that. Especially to you.” He teared up a little. “I’m glad I’ve been able to help you, but you can’t give me all the credit, okay?”

“Quit brushing me off, okay? You saved my life.” He looked at me sharply and I realized the implications of what I’d said. “No, no, not like that. But I didn’t particularly enjoy life. I would’ve gone on hiding who I was and never trusting anyone if you hadn’t come in and changed everything. When we went to the club with the girls? I never would’ve done that if it wasn’t for you. Yeah, maybe I danced with girls that night to make it look like I wasn’t gay, but it was progress. And it turned out to be the best night of my life.” I decided to be brave and give a little of my heart away. “I got to dance with you, which made me feel so much more confident in who I am. I owe you a lot, and I want to make sure you know I’m grateful for it.”

He wouldn’t look at me, but he reached over and took my hand. He didn’t say anything, and neither did I. We sat like that for a few minutes, and then he leaned his head against my shoulder.

“I’ve got my own demons. Nothing as bad as what you went through, but it hasn’t been the easiest for me. Sonya and I used to live in England with our parents. Remember I told you she had a girlfriend?” I hummed in affirmation. “Well, that night she wouldn’t answer her phone, I woke my parents up and told her she was gone. When she came home half an hour later, they wanted to know where she’d been. She told them she was stargazing, and they asked who she was with. She came right out and told them she was with her girlfriend. They gave her half an hour to pack. I told them if they were kicking her out for being gay they’d better not forget to kick me out, too. They gave me half an hour to pack. Sonya was crying and begging them not to kick us out, but they wouldn’t listen. We packed up and left. I had my car and we got all our money out of the bank. We stayed with some friends of ours for a while. I dropped out of high school that year. I had enough credits to go on to college, and applied to as many as I could, including here. Sonya didn’t want me to leave her, and I didn’t want to leave her. It was hard, but I managed to get us both over here when I was accepted at this college with a full scholarship. I wouldn’t’ve been able to if I hadn’t sold the car at a good price. I started summer classes and got two jobs. Mum sent us ten thousand dollars when I started fall classes. I think it was mostly Dad who wanted us gone, but she doesn’t speak to us. We get some money now and then, not as much as the first time, but enough to pay the rent and plenty left over.”

I’d never thought about Newt’s family. Now that I knew about them I wished I didn’t. I was incredibly mad at them. I let go of Newt’s hand and put my arm around his shoulders, resting my chin on his head.

“Oh, Tommy, it’s not as bad as all that. There was never a lot of love lost between us. They didn’t want me to skip grades because it was bad enough that I looked four years younger than I really was. They thought I was some sort of freak. I didn’t really care. I had my own plans in life, and they weren’t really part of them. It’s all good now. Sonya graduated a year early and got a scholarship, too. She’s got Harriet. I...had someone, for a while. It didn’t work out. But that’s another story.”

“Newt, I…”

“Don’t worry about it, Tommy. It’s all over and done with. I’m not the poor lonely British kid without a family, okay? I’m perfectly happy. I’ve got everyone here, and I’ve got Sonny. And you,” he nudged me. “Don’t go worrying about me, alright?”

“If you say so,” I replied. “I’m still sorry it happened.”

“Enough gloom, eh? Let’s go to the bookstore. I’m finally going to get that book I keep telling myself I can’t afford. It’s nearly Christmas, right?”

“Yeah, we should get some stuff and decorate.”

“Right on, mate. Tally ho, then.”

He pulled me up off the floor and we bundled up and off we were. We may or may not have held hands.

Newt backed out of buying the book, claiming it really was too expensive, but we did go holiday decoration shopping. When we left Walmart with a poinsetta and some garlands, Newt saw someone from one of his classes and said he’d be right back. I put the stuff in the trunk and jumped when I closed it and saw Sonya leaning on the car.

“Good grief, you nearly gave me a heart attack.”

She laughed. “I like you, Greenie. But I also love my brother, which means if you hurt him, vengeance will be swift and ruthless. I don’t think you will, though, and you have my blessing.” I floundered for a sufficient protest, but found nothing. She made a dismissive gesture. “I know you’re not together, but I also have a hunch that you want to be. You’re good for him, Thomas. Really you are. I maybe shouldn’t say this, but if there was one person I had to pick for him, it would be you.”

She went off without another word, leaving me puzzled and feeling strangely privileged. When Newt came back and gave me that lovely smile of his, I wondered. Maybe the future could be the shining dream I wanted it to be.


	15. Chapter 15

“Alby, Keepers, and Gladers, we are gathered today to discuss the subject of the proposed Banishment of one of our own,” Newt said authoritatively. “Scott has been accused of the endangerment of a Glader’s life, by accident, but endangerment nonetheless. The accused has been with us since the beginning of the school year, which in his defense is not that long, but I think we can all agree that in that time he should be familiar with our traditions.

“Glade House has been a home for students for almost seventy-five years. We uphold the traditions and follow the rules set and changed over the course of that time. The Glade is a respected place in the student community, and there are certain standards to meet, set by our peers and Alby’s family. Anyone who does not prove themselves capable of meeting these standards will be removed.

“You may say that his actions had nothing to do with tradition, and they did not. They were thoughtless, and that sort of thoughtlessness, while not laid out in our rules, is not acceptable. What were his actions? Last week at the pool party, despite Thomas’s insistence that he did not want to swim, and obvious lack of swimming apparel, Scott was seen by nearly all of us to shove Thomas into the water.

“Thomas can’t swim. He might’ve drowned as a consequence of Scott’s actions, and in fact suffered the effects of near drowning. He coughed up significant amounts of water and had a panic attack. I understand it might be assumed that he could swim, but I don’t believe that’s any excuse for what Scott did. The circumstances were clear; Thomas did not want to swim, and in fact couldn’t, and Scott endangered his life by shoving him into the water.

“Not only was this careless and thoughtless, it was against the rules of any pool, anywhere. This sort of disregard for standard, reasonable rules leads me to question Scott’s judgement and trustworthiness. “Scott was approached two weeks before start of term, as is our usual custom. He accepted the job of Track-Hoe after his trial week. Until now, he has received no formal reprimands or reminders and to our knowledge has not broken any of our rules. If any Glader has information contradictory to what has just been stated, say so now.

“Thomas was also approached two weeks before start of term and accepted the job of Runner after his trial week. He has received no formal reprimands or reminders, and to our knowledge has not broken any of our rules. There was an incident in which he had a conflict with a Keeper regarding the replacement of the treehouse roof, but this was reviewed and the Council declared both parties clear of any charges, no reprimands given. Thomas has been commended for his hard work and contributions to the Glade. If any Glader has information contradictory to what has just been stated, say so now. Gally, you are not to mention the treehouse incident, we’ve already been over that.

“Now, both parties in this case have no previous marks on their records. Thomas is innocent of any blame in this case as he made his preference not to swim clear to everyone. We now have to decide if Scott is guilty of the charges of endangerment of life and violation of rules. If he or any other Glader has anything to say in his defense, speak now.”

He looked around the room almost challengingly. I felt terrible that we were having another meeting because of me, but I had been blameless in the treehouse incident. None of that was my fault. But this? This was too much. A proper court trial over pushing me into a pool? All the parliamentary procedure? As much as I loved seeing Newt in his glasses with his hair mussed, going over papers and pacing back and forth at the head of the table, I didn’t think it was fair to kick Scott out. He hadn’t meant any harm. I felt like I should say something, so without really knowing what I was doing, I stood up. Heads swiveled to look at me.

“But you accused him,” Nick said, confused.

“No, I pressed the charges and presented the case to the Council,” Newt said, sitting down. “Thomas, you may now speak.”

“Scott didn’t mean any harm. He thought it would be funny, and to be honest, if it hadn’t been for the fact that I found myself in eight feet of water, it would’ve been. I mean, lots of people push the guy who doesn’t want to swim into the water. I don’t hold a grudge against him, and I don’t think he should get kicked out. Banished, whatever you want to call it.” I sat down. I’d done what I could.

“Thank you, Thomas. Does any other Glader have anything they’d like to say?”

Scott stood up and was granted permission to speak. “Like Thomas said, I didn’t mean any harm. And if he doesn’t press charges, I don’t think this Council meeting should be being held. He was the victim in the case, so it’s his decision and responsibility to press charges or not. He never said he couldn’t swim, just that he didn’t want to. And what eighteen year old can’t swim? This has nothing to do with Glade rules. My record’s spotless, this is ridiculous.”

“Thank you, Scott. Does any other Glader have anything to say in defense of Scott?”

No one else stood up.

“Does any Glader have anything to add to the case against Scott?”

Minho stood up. “Look, maybe it’s not in our rules not to push someone into a pool, but that’s just common sense. And yeah, maybe Thomas didn’t press the charges. But Newt was right to call the Gathering. Any one here who hasn’t got the brains not to know not to push someone who has said they don’t want to swim into the deep end, or God forbid the shallow end, of a pool, doesn’t need to be here. Sure, some stupid teenagers do it, but that doesn’t mean it’s right. I mean, just because some people steal money doesn’t mean it’s okay. And if Scott’s willing to push someone into a pool, who knows what else he’s willing to do. I say we Banish him.”

“Is there anything else to be added to the case?” No reply. “Then I ask the Keepers to come to a conclusion.”

Scott was shaking his head, smirking as if he was absolutely sure the case was in his favor. The Keepers whispered amongst themselves while Ben took notes and Newt watched over everything with a stern gaze. Alby sat beside him, characteristically scowling.

The Keepers appeared to have made a decision. Newt cleared his throat.

“Keepers, have you come to a conclusion upon which you can all agree?”

Minho stood. “We find Scott guilty as charged and the severity of the case sufficient to warrant a sentence of Banishment.”

“Alby, as Leader, do you have any objections to the verdict and sentence?”

Alby shook his head. “I do not.”

“Then the Council finds Scott guilty as charged and sentenced to Banishment on Sunday next at ten o’ clock a.m. This meeting is adjourned.”

Newt stood up, as did everyone else, and we filed out of the dining room. Frypan clapped a hand on my shoulder.

“Don’t feel bad. This happens more than you’d think, and it’s not your fault. Scott got what was coming to him.”

I nodded and gave him a grateful smile, even though I still felt bad. Newt was waiting for me at the door. I crossed my arms as we stepped out of everyone’s way.

“I think you have an unfair bias against him,” I said bluntly. “Because of you know what.”

“Maybe, but the rest of the Council didn’t, and he was found guilty. It was all perfectly fair and just, Tommy.” He rubbed my arm. “It’s your first Banishing. They’re always tough, and we only resort to that in serious cases.”

“Yeah, it’s a last resort. Scott didn’t have anything against him up to now, so why doesn’t he get a reprimand or something?”

“Because you could’ve died.”

“Surrounded by everyone else, watching me?”

“Tommy, I was the one who pulled you out. No one else noticed you were drowning. They had their laugh and paid no more attention. Yes, you could’ve died, surrounded by everyone, as horrible as it sounds.”

I was taken aback. “No one else saw?”

“No.”

“But you’re not Banishing everyone for not noticing the extent of the danger I was in.”

“Scott was the cause of the danger to your life. He’s the one to blame.”

“You pressured me to go to the party.” He looked hurt.

“You applied to college here. How far back are we going to trace the events? Scott was the most direct cause, and he’s being punished for that. If you want to be mad at me that’s your business, but the Council has decided. You can appeal to them if you think you need to.” He turned away and walked off.

Great. Now I’m fighting with Newt. After everything.

Two weeks later, at ten o’ clock on Sunday morning, Scott was Banished. Everyone gathered along the sidewalk and the driveway to the road. Scott stood by his car just outside the Glade gate, scoffing at the ceremonial attitude of everyone present. Minho and two other Keepers carried Scott’s luggage from the house to the road and set it down on the pavement for him to deal with.

“Scott, you are hereby Banished from Glade House. You will no longer be allowed lodging here, from this point to the end of your time at college. Any visits you make to the Glade will be temporary and you are not permitted to stay overnight. Any references we give in your behalf will be honest and include our specific reasons for your Banishment,” Newt said. “Keepers, if you will.”

The Keepers stepped forward and closed the tall iron gates. Minho locked them and handed the key to Newt, who turned and walked down the driveway and back into the house, the Keepers following in a procession behind him. Once they had disappeared from view, the Gladers trailed in after them.

I kept glancing over my shoulder at Scott, who angrily shoved his stuff into the trunk of his car. He glared at me when he saw me watching him.

“Tommy?”

I ignored him and went upstairs.

“Tommy?”

I kept ignoring him.

“Do you seriously blame me?”

“Yes.”

“You could have bloody died, Tommy. Do you just want me to sit by and let you get hurt or killed?”

“I’d rather you didn’t turn people out of their homes because they made a stupid mistake.”

“A stupid mistake that could’ve cost someone their life, Tommy. We gave him two weeks. He has somewhere to go. He’s a spoiled rich kid who didn’t think about the consequences of his actions. Yeah, we never had a Gathering over what he’s done before, but he’s been causing plenty of trouble. He thinks he knows everything and no one got along with him. He nearly got you killed, and he’s contemptuous of our traditions. He was only here because we have deal with the school to take on a certain number of first year students due to their limited housing.”

I frowned at him, but thought about what he was saying.

“Tommy, please. Don’t think I’m heartlessly turning kids out of their homes. I’d be the last person to do that, don’t you think?”

I sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t blame you for being upset. It’s not easy to do that to someone, even thought what he did was wrong and I know he’s going straight to the most expensive apartment in town. I just didn’t want to fight with you over it. We’re good, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Good that. C’mere.” He hugged me.

“I do have to say, you handled that quite impressively.”

He laughed. “Thanks.”


	16. Chapter 16

It had been a week since Scott’s Banishment, and I was happy to say that things were finally running perfectly smoothly. I hadn’t realized exactly how much trouble Scott had been causing. Tommy had demanded to know why I wasn’t running for president, or at least studying law. He insisted I’d win every case I ever had. I couldn’t help feeling flattered. And if I thought about joining the debate team, well, that was for me to know and him to find out later.

Right now, I had a ridiculous amount of homework to do. I didn’t even know where to start and ending up staring at it all. I needed to do it. I knew I did. Good grades were important, and I really did want to learn it all, but the stack was intimidating. I don’t know how long I’d been mulling over it before Tommy came into the room.

“Um, Newt? You busy?”

I looked up from the mess of papers on my desk and quit leaning against it. “No, what’s up?”

He took a moment to bite his lip and apparently steel himself. “Would you like to go to dinner Thursday? As a date?”

I sucked in a breath. Was this real? I blinked, bringing myself out of my momentary paralysis.

“I’d love to,” I said, crossing the room in a rush and hugging him, overwhelmed with joy. A date. With Tommy. A _date_. With _Tommy_. “It’s a date.”

Judging by his expression when I let him go, we were both a little dazed.

“Um, great! I thought six thirty?”

I nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, sounds great.”

“I’d better, um, yeah.” He gestured vaguely at the door.

“Yeah, me too.”

We stood there for a second, staring at each other, and then simultaneously mumbled excuses as we went back to what we’d been doing. I couldn’t stop smiling. Minho picked up on it while we walked to the library. I’d been so preoccupied thinking about Thursday I hadn’t been able to concentrate at all and had settled on a trip to the library. I knew I had some papers to write, and I’d already come up with a list of research books, so it was a little productive, at least.

“What’s made you little Mr. Sunshine?” Minho asked.

I didn’t even call him out on calling me little. “Tommy asked me out.”

“ _He_ asked? You said yes, right? I really might kill you if you didn’t.”

“Since when do you kill me for not going on dates?”

“ _Did you say yes_?”

“Of course I said yes, slinthead! Have you been paying any attention these past couple months?”

“Yes, but I also know you to be a self-sacrificing shank, so there was a possibility you’d said no. Where are you going?”

“I don’t know. We’re going to dinner on Thursday, but he didn’t say where. Surprise, I guess.”

He put an arm around my shoulders and steered me a different direction.

“Where are we going?”

“Shopping. You need date clothes.”

“What are you talking about? I’ve got plenty of clothes.”

“Yeah, if you count sweater vests and that ridiculous white hoodie as clothes. Oh, and the Union Jack sweater. And the Hufflepuff scarf.”

“Don’t mock my hoodie! And I love that scarf.”

“Which is exactly why I’m taking you shopping.”

An uncomfortable and entirely too expensive hour later, Minho was satisfied.

“We share a room, you know. It’s not like he won’t notice I’ve got new clothes.”

“You can stash them in my room and get ready in there before you leave. Then bam!” He smacked his fist into the other palm for emphasis. “Thomas won’t know what hit him.”

I sighed. I really ought to start standing up for myself. But, I must admit, Minho’s taste and fashion sense is impeccable, and I look really good in my new outfits.

***

“Tom, can we talk?”

I turned around. “Why?”

“You deserve an explanation.”

“Yeah, I do. I _trusted_ you, T. I told you something a total of two--no, four--no, five--well, actually, I don’t know how many anymore. Anyway, I told you something only a few people know. And you can’t bring yourself to tell me that very same thing.”

“You’re really mad at me, aren’t you?”

“I think I have a right to be.”

She nodded. “Can we talk, though?”

“Fine, lead on.”

She led me up to her room and motioned to sit on the bed. I leaned against the bedpost.

“I didn’t really understand what I was feeling. What I was. I knew I liked boys, there was no question about that. But do you remember Annie? How upset I got when she moved away? I really cared about her, and then I’d catch myself staring at girls or thinking things, and I was confused. I was just messing around at the club a while back and met Brenda. It was just experimenting at first. I never thought it would go this far, but it has. I’m bisexual, and I’m cool with that.”

“But you didn’t think to tell me?”

“You had your own stuff to do, and your own friends to hang out with. You’ve been ignoring me since we got here.”

“I have not! We text all the time.”

“Yeah, Tom. We text. We also live in the same building. You never thought to ask me to go with you and your group to the library or the bookstore, or the library? Savoy?”

I fumbled for words. “I-I guess I thought--”

“--No, Tom, you didn’t think. You just left me on my own. So, yeah, I have a girlfriend. Problem?”

I left without another word, angry at myself. She was right. I hadn’t hung out with her since we moved here. My mind had been too full of school and needing money and Newt. I shut the door to our room and leaned against it, sighing. I needed to spend more time with her.

Or did I? Was it time to grow up and quit hiding behind her? I wasn’t anymore, not really, but was part of me still clinging to her? She was my cousin, and felt like what I thought having a sister would feel like. Eventually, you leave your family behind, somewhat. Was it time for that? 

I thought about her parents, who’d looked after me since my parents disowned me. I owed it to them to stay in touch, but maybe I didn’t have to feel so tethered to them, and to her. Maybe it was time for me to finally live my own life, not caring what other people thought.

I scoffed at myself. Yeah, right, like I’d ever not care what people thought of me.

I stood there for a long time, pondering. I eventually came to a conclusion; Teresa was my cousin, and I owed her more of my time than I had been giving her. I didn’t owe her all of it, though, and it was my life to live. Only I could live it, and I wanted to make the most of it. If she wanted to be a part of that, she was perfectly welcome to, but I was going to make my own way and not rely on her approval.

‘And I’ve got a boyfriend, now, so take that!’ I thought smugly.

I looked around at the empty room. Speaking of, where was said boyfriend? I went back downstairs to see if I could find him, and frowned at the sound of singing coming from the common room. I peeked in.

It seemed like almost all the guys were dancing and singing along to one of the Warblers’ performances on Glee. My eyebrows raised nearly to my hairline. Really? Were they _all_ gay? How long had it taken to learn the choreography?

“We’re totally all dressing up as the Warblers next Halloween,” Nick announced, and to my horror, they all agreed.

I didn’t see Newt in there, thank heavens, and closed the door quietly before they noticed me and roped me into that insanity.

I paused my search, wondering if I came across as too clingy seeking him out hours after asking him out. We lived together, so not spending time together was impossible, but perhaps I was going a little overboard with it.

Part of my wanting to look for him was driven by the desire to avoid Teresa at all costs. I sighed. I’d have to face her eventually. I found her in the kitchen, moping over a cup of coffee with Frypan, the pot between them. I sat beside her, pouring myself a cup as well.

“Why do I feel like you two are here for couples’ counciling?” Frypan asked.

I huffed a laugh. “I don’t know.”

He nodded skeptically. “Well, I’ve got some scones to get back to, special request of our honorable second-in-command. Before you ask, Thomas, no, I don’t need any help.” He smiled and got up from the table.

“I’m sorry, T,” I said. I took her hand. “You’re right; I have been neglecting you. I haven’t meant to, it’s just been a tough adjustment. And then all that worry about having enough money. I’m still worried about it.”

She sighed. “I know, it wasn’t fair of me to say that. It’s not like I’ve tried all that hard to spend time with you. Let’s just…move on, and do things differently.”

I nodded. “Let’s. What are you doing this week?”

“Brenda, what about you?” she said, perfectly straight-faced. I nearly choked on my coffee. We looked at each other for a moment and started laughing. I was relieved. We were fine.

“Well, actually, I am going on a date.”

“With Newt?”

I tried not to grin as wide as I did. “Yeah.”

She squealed. “I’m so happy for you! When?”

“Thursday. We’re going out to eat.”

“Where?”

“Powerhouse, and yes, I’m 100% sure he isn’t allergic to any kind of seafood. And yes, I know he likes it. And no, I probably can’t afford it, but it’s a first date. I want it to be special.”

She grinned and hugged me again. “He’d better know how lucky he is. You’re the sweetest person I’ve ever met.”

“Even sweeter than Brenda?”

“Definitely. She’s more the physical type.” I tried not to blush and failed. “Poor gay little you, you’re probably horrified just thinking about girls having sex.”

“No! I just don’t like thinking about _you_ having sex. That’s just weird.”

“That I have sex?”

“No, thinking about it. I mean, you’re practically my sister.”

She smiled. “I won’t tease you any more. Are you sure about you and Newt? I mean, I know you really like him, but, you know. Do you think he…he’d stay with you if…”

I understood what she meant. “He knows. I told him a while ago. Before Scott got Banished. He’s…well, he seems okay with it. That’s not the right way to put it, though. He accepts me and thinks no less of me. He’s not okay with that happening to someone, which I can definitely agree with.” I shuddered. I hated thinking about it. “The nightmares are a lot better now. I think telling someone really helped.”

She nodded. “I’m sure it did.”

I was quiet for a few moments. We both knew changing the subject would be the best option, even though the thought was unspoken.

“Would you like to go to the club on Friday night? I have a feeling Sonya and Harriet will be feeling cooped up by then.”

She grinned. “I’d love to.”

“Just…maybe wear something a little less…revealing?” I fumbled over my words. “I mean, wear what you want, but for the sake of my poor innocence…”

“What are you talking about?” she asked, frowning.

“The body glove, T. The body glove you wore to the club.”

 

Her eyes widened and she blushed bright red. “You _saw_ that?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back again! This story is winding out of my control. Who knows what will happen next...


	17. Chapter 17

I got dressed slowly, fretting over what I’d chosen to wear. Was it too casual? I added a blazer. There. How about that? I frowned at my reflection in the full-length mirror. I took the blazer off and put on a different shirt. The blazer looked wrong with that one. I took it off again and put on a tie. A real tie, and actually tied it in a Half Windsor knot. That looked good.

Satisfied, I came out of the bathroom. I hadn’t seen Newt for half an hour, and was starting to worry. Surely he hadn’t backed out…

I started downstairs to see if I could find him there. I met him on the staircase and wished I’d worn looser pants. He had his leather jacket on over a snug white T-shirt, and skin-tight black pants that showed off his long legs far too well. His hair was styled into an artfully messy quiff. I hardly noticed Minho standing behind him.

Newt looked nervous and pointed at Minho. “Blame him. He did this.”

Minho gave me a smug smile. “Off you go. Don’t get drunk.”

Newt’s hesitation at the front door surprised me. “You’re sure it looks alright?”

From this close I noticed he had just a hint of eyeliner on and internally frowned at Minho for knowing exactly how to make Newt look sinfully delicious.

“Newt, you look irresistable.”

Holy klunk. Did I actually just say that?

He grinned. “So do you. Come on, I want to know where this mystery date is.”

We took a car, the second time I’d used one since coming to the Glade. Newt’s eyes widened when we got to Powerhouse. I blessed Kathy for knowing the ins and outs of where to go on dates here.

Powerhouse was a busy, swanky seafood restaurant that was almost considered reserved for the rich kids, due to its somewhat expensive menu. I’d reserved the last table open tonight the day I’d asked Newt out. Did I regret it? Not one bit.

The waitress who took us to our table looked and walked like a model, as did the others. There was Christmas music playing, and the taxidermied exotic fish mounted on the walls were accordingly decorated. From the swordfish’s bill hung a banner that said ‘Merry Christmas’ and the hammerhead shark wore a Santa Claus hat.

I scanned the menu. “Hm. I’ve never had alligator. They say it tastes like chicken. I like chicken.” Newt laughed a little nervously. I smiled at him. “What do you think you’ll have?”

“I-I don’t know.”

“Haven’t they got any good, oldfashioned British fish ‘n’ chips?”

“Tommy, the prices of these,” he shook his head as he read the menu. “Are you sure about this?”

I reached across the table and took his hand. “I can afford to spoil my new boyfriend on our first date. Don’t worry, get what you want.” I smiled reassuringly. 

“I’m paying half.”

“No, you’re not. It’s fine, Newt. I wouldn’t come here if I couldn’t afford it, really.”

He sighed. “If you say so, Tommy. Have to admit it’s a pretty grand gesture.”

“Ah, here we go. Fish and chips, or if you’re feeling adventurous, calamary. I’d order lobster but I’d end up embarrassing myself. I never could get the hang of eating it.”

The waitress came to ask what we’d like as an appetizer and winked at Newt. He smiled, and I felt enormously jealous. “I think coconut shrimp, don’t you, Tommy m’love?” Her face fell and she wrote it down, hurrying away. I felt more smug than I should’ve. Newt chuckled. “You didn’t really think I’d let a waitress try to steal me on our first date?”

I smiled. “Course not. I like the nickname.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. Now, back to the menu.” He frowned at it. “I’d rather not have squid. Tried that once, you know. Tasted like fish-flavored rubber.”

I laughed. “That’s what Aunt Hester always says.”

He looked at me with a raised eyebrow. “You have an Aunt Hester?”

I nodded. “Teresa’s mother. She’s actually not ninety years old. Here, try this. Close your eyes and put your finger down somewhere on the menu.”

He did, then opened one eye to cautiously read what it said. “Barramundi. Never heard of it.”

“Oh, that’s excellent. Get that.”

“You’ve had it?”

“Mh-hm, that time Teresa’s family and I all went to Australia. It’s delicious.”

“You went to Australia?”

“Did I not tell you about it? Must’ve been Minho.”

I told him about my adventures in the Land Down Under while we ate our coconut shrimp. He was suitably impressed and I was surprised to see how jealous he got over me having held a koala at an animal sanctuary.

When the food arrived I couldn’t help but grin. Barramundi was every bit as excellent as I remembered. Newt seemed to like it, too.

We talked a bit more about Australia and a bit about England. Newt looked wistful as he decribed London.

“I mean, the weather was bloody rotten, but it was a lovely place.”

“You should go back sometime.”

He sighed. “Maybe one day.”When we’d finished I paid the bill and Newt insisted on paying the tip. I probably would’ve been a little stingy if I’d done it, after that wink.

“Wanna go to the club?” Newt asked.

“Sure.”

So we went to club and had a few drinks. Thankfully, Teresa and her body glove were nowhere to be seen. Kathy was there and high-fived and winked at me, then leaned in to whisper,

“It’s ‘Fire Escape,’ right? You guys’ song?”

   

I grinned. “Yep.”

She nodded and started toward the DJ. Newt was scowling when I looked back at him. 

“Are you jealous?” I asked, incredulous.

“She’s the one who dragged you off when we came here before.”

“That’s my friend Kathy. We’re in some classes together, too.” He frowned deeper. “You’re jealous. Newt, I’m gay, remember? She’s just a friend, and she was instrumental in arranging our date.”

He didn’t look convinced. I pulled him to the edge of the dancefloor and pressed up against him when the song started. If this didn’t convince him, nothing would. He looked both touched and lustful and I turned around, swaying my hips in time with the music. I felt his hands on my waist and leaned back. My heart pounded but I felt a certain contentment with him holding me close like this.

He started nosing at the side of my neck and I could barely keep my eyes open. When he turned me around--after many songs--and stared at me, I held my breath. His gaze flickered to my lips. Was he going to..? He was.

He leaned in and softly kissed me. My eyes fluttered closed and I eagerly kissed back, arms twining around his neck. His lips were soft, so soft, and warm and perfect. It quickly deepened and my first kiss turned to my first makeout session. Our hands started roaming. I felt funny, like I was a melting ice cube under the sun of Newt’s touch.

I was getting very turned on, and I shivered when I could feel Newt was, too. He pulled back and we panted a little.

“D’you wanna stop?” he asked.

“God no. C’mere,” I said, pulling him into another deep kiss.

“You sure?” he asked between kisses.

“Mm-hm.”

“We’d better get home, then, yeah?”

I reluctantly agreed. Reluctantly in the sense that I didn’t want to stop kissing him for that long. We got to the car and my mind caught up with my desires. Suddenly I froze. What was I doing? I had no clue what was supposed to happen here. No shucking clue. 

“Tommy? You alright?” He put his hands on my shoulders, gazing into my eyes concernedly.

“I’ve never been with anyone.”

His entire body softened, eyes melting, hands relaxing on my shoulders. He smiled, a warm, gentle little thing, and kissed me equally softly. "I know, sweetheart. I'll take good care of you, I promise. We don't have to if you don't want to, and we certainly don't have to go all the way. We'll just go with what you're comfortable doing. Okay? No pressure."

I nodded. “Thank you. I want this, I just...I don’t know what to do.”

He hugged me, pulling me against his chest and tucking my head into the crook of his neck. "I’ve got you, Tommy. Just trust me, okay?" I nodded.

We managed to drive home safely and get upstairs without being stopped by anyone. I supposed that was because they were all asleep, like sensible people. Who knew what time it was.

Newt pulled me into the bedroom, pushing me up against the door and kissing me again, roughly. I whimpered, hands roaming over his body. God, he was perfect. All slender and lean muscle. I wanted him. I'd never wanted anybody before in my life.

“The rooms are all soundproofed,” Newt said, pressing his forehead to mine as he undid my tie. “Alby’s family had it done when the complaints about noise got to be annoying. So we don’t have to worry about a thing.”

“That’s nice,” I said, kissing him again.

   

“Bed, Tommy,” he whispered between hasty kisses. It sent a shiver through me, hearing those words on his lips. In his voice, his beautiful voice with its perfect accent. My dreams had never captured the tone, the breathiness of it.

He started mouthing at my neck, sucking and nipping. “’M gonna make love to you, have you moaning and begging for more. You'll feel so good you'll forget everything but my name.”

The murmured words and his touches had me short of breath, clutching at him. He noticed and kept right on at it, the irresistible devil.

“Maybe I'll tease you. Tease you till you're crying with the need for me to fill you up. Mm?” I whimpered. “You want me to, then?”

“Newt,” I mumbled, lost on other words at the moment.

“Mm-hm. My little Tommy. C'mon, 'm gonna take good care of you.” He pressed another kiss to my lips and guided me to his bed, pushing me down and climbing on top of me. He ran his fingers through my hair while he kissed me, grinding down against me and making me whimper again.

I wanted this, had longed for it, and now it was here. I was a mess of excitement and eager anticipation combined with nervousness, which Newt was quickly expelling. He'd always had that soothing effect on me. Right now he had a very different effect, too.

“Newt, please.”

“What is it?” he asked between kisses.

“Need more.”

He started unbuttoning my shirt, making sure every touch was just enough to make me want more. I tried to press up against him but he pulled away. I let out a frustated moan.

“Patience, my love.”

“Newt,” I begged.

“Shh, I’ve got you. Just relax, Tommy. Relax.”

He let me sit up enough to get my shirt off and stared at me hungrily while he slipped his jacket off and tugged his shirt over his head. I’m sure I mirrored his expression.

“Bloody hell you’re beautiful,” he said, capturing my lips again. “And all mine.”

I whimpered affirmatively. 

Pants and underwear quickly followed shirts and I shivered in the sudden cold. Newt leaned over me again, leaving more delightful bruises on my neck. I sighed in pleasure when he finally touched me, feeling a thrilling rush similar to what I imagined being on a roller coaster would feel like.

When his weight suddenly disappeared who knows how long later, I opened my eyes, disoriented.

“Newt?”

He chuckled. “Right here, love.” He was leaning off the bed to get something out of a nightstand drawer. Oh yeah. _That._

When he’d retrieved lube and a condom, he leaned over me again, serious.

“Are you sure?”

I nodded. “I want to.”

He smiled and kissed me again. “Okay. Just relax for me, yeah?”

I tried to. It was difficult; the anticipation and exhilaration didn’t do much to help.

He was gentle, warming the cold gel in his hands before slicking it over my hole. I made an embarrassing noise. It felt…indescribably good. I gnawed on my lip to ground myself while he teased me. When I couldn’t take it anymore I made a noise that was supposed to be his name.

He smiled and kissed me as he slipped one finger in, slowly. I’d touched myself this way a few times, but it didn’t compare to this. I gripped the sheets for dear life.

“I’ve got you, love,” he soothed. “I’m here.” He brushed the fingertips of his other hand over a spot on my thigh that made me tremble. “So sensitive. Bet I could make you come just with my fingers.”

I moaned in protest.

“Don’t worry, little Tommy. Not tonight.” He added another finger and my back arched of its own accord when he brushed my prostate. “There we go. Now I can make you feel even better.”

He reduced me to a shaking, whimpering mess before he’d even added a third finger and now I was dangerously close to coming. He took it a little easier on me now, letting me recover enough to beg.

“Please, Newt. I’m ready.”

“Shh, I’ve got you. It’s okay. It’s okay.”

When he finally, _finally_ , slid carefully inside me, I nearly sobbed. It felt so wonderfully perfect. He stilled, letting me adjust. I took a shaky breath as he stroked my cheek.

“You okay?” he whispered. I nodded. I was definitely okay. More than okay. “Good. Just relax, yeah? I’ve got you.”

I nodded again. I knew he’d take care of me. When I started mewling a few minutes later I knew I hadn’t gotten that wrong. I all but clawed at his shoulders, desperate for something to ground me. 

He was gentle with me. Deep, slow thrusts that turned my world upside-down and back again. He whispered to me, sweet little phrases that gave me a pleasure almost as great as the physical bliss I was feeling. His owns moans made me feel even better. My breath hitched as he sped up a little and I wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling him closer. 

It may have been minutes, it may have been hours. I couldn’t hold out any longer.

“Newt,” I panted. 

“I know, sweetheart. Me too.”

“Please.” 

“Go ahead, love. I’ve got you. I’ve got you.” He changed angles just a little and started brushing my prostate with every thrust. I mewled again and gripped his shoulders as tight as I could as my orgasm crashed through me. 

Newt moaned and followed seconds later. I quivered with no actual control over my muscles. He gently slipped out of me. I fought to keep my eyes open. He lay beside me and pulled me into his arms.

“I’m here. I’ve got you, love.”

I managed to roll over and snuggle a little closer, staring into his eyes. His hair was a mess now, sticking up every which way. I smiled.

“You’re so bloody perfect,” he breathed, and kissed me again. I sighed softly, completely relaxed. “C’mon, let’s get you cleaned up and put to bed.”

I was a little wobbly, but I made it to the shower in a bit of a daze. The hot water felt nice, as did Newt’s gentle hands washing me. He kissed me a few times, and the soft little smile never left his lips.

Bed felt even better, with Newt spooning me. I hummed in appreciation and closed my eyes. Newt kissed my shoulder.

“Good night, precious.”

I fell asleep before I could answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there's this. :D


	18. Chapter 18

I woke up slowy in Newt’s arms. I shivered, even Newt’s closeness not enough to keep me warm in the December cold. He kissed my shoulder.

“Mornin’, little Tommy.”

I smiled, letting my eyes close again in utter contentment. He was mine. My own. My beautiful, British boyfriend. We’d gone on our first date last night, and he’d made love to me. 

“Hello,” I said, smiling to myself. 

“You feeling alright?” 

He was so sweet, so thoughtful. “Wonderful.”

He hugged me tighter, kissing my shoulder again. “Breakfast?” I hummed. I was hungry, but cuddling with Newt sounded like a lot more fun. “Don’t worry, we’ll have plenty of time together today. It’s Christmas Eve.”

I sat bolt upright. “I haven’t gotten your present yet!” 

He laughed. “I’m pretty sure last night was present enough, Tommy.”

I shook my head, fighting off a blush. “No, I have something picked out. I just have to go get it. I kept postponing it to make up my work from when I had that cold.”

He sat up and kissed my cheek. “You’re adorable. Come on, you should have something to eat before you take off.”

Minho wolfwhistled when we came downstairs. I blushed crimson and Newt smacked his arm. He sat next to me, as usual, but now he had one hand on my thigh, gently assuring me of his presence. It felt nice. I dug in, eating more than usual. Maybe it was the hashbrowns. Maybe I’d worked up an appetite last night, another part of my brain supplied helpfully. It was hard not to blush all through the meal. Newt smirked at me sweetly and squeezed my thigh. I felt my heart skip a few beats. He’d actually said yes to our date, we’d made love last night. He cared about me. 

As I left the dining room, walking a little awkwardly, I heard Minho say to Newt, “Take it easy on the kid. I need my Runners to be able to run, and with that limp, I don’t think he’ll be doing much running.”

Minho did have a point. 

After a long fifteen or so minutes of lazily making out, I told Newt I had to go. He was reluctant to let me, but the promise of a Christmas present seemed to sway him. I kissed him goodbye, because I got to do that now. 

Newt loved sweatervests. I knew he did, because he wore them whenever he got the chance. I’d seen one in the mall a few days ago that I knew he’d love. I just hoped there was still one left in his size. Had I waited too long?

My heart sank when I found that there were only two left, in large. I sighed heavily. Now what would I do? I’d counted on finding one.

“Can I help you?” a clerk asked.

“You wouldn’t happen to have any more of these in the back, would you?” I asked, holding it up.

“Let me take a took.”

I tapped my foot impatiently. I wracked my brain for other present ideas, glancing over the other sweatervests. None of them stood out the way this one had. I sighed. Minho appeared out of nowhere, and I absolutely did not squeak.

“What are you doing here, Greenie?”

“Buying Newt a Christmas present. If there are any left.”

He raised an eyebrow, and then shook his head incredulously. “You’re getting him one of these, aren’t you?” He held up the sweatervest he was carrying. It was the one I’d picked out. In Newt’s size. Of course it was. I huffed a half-hearted laugh.

“I was going to,” I said, shaking my head. How on earth had we had exactly the same idea?

“Here.” He tossed it to me.

“You don’t have to…”

“It’ll mean more coming from you,” he said. “I’ll get him some eyeliner or somethin’.” He winked. “Not that he’ll wear it unless forced. He refuses to believe he looks spectacular with it.”

I smiled. “Thanks.”

“Just don’t forget me on your Christmas list.”

I scoffed. “Of course not.”

I eagerly paid for the sweatervest and headed back home. I stopped on the way to get Newt a cup of tea from Savoy.

When I got back, the Glade was in uproar. Alby’s family had brought the tree. Apparently they cut one from their land every year, and the Christmas Eve tradition was to decorate the tree. Newt stood apart from the group, apparently the Christmas music DJ. I slipped upstairs and wrapped the sweatervest, humming Sleigh Ride. Christmas was great. 

I artfully labeled the present and took it downstairs to put under the tree with all the others. Someone came up behind me without my noticing and tickled my ribs. I jumped, gasping.

“Good grief,” I sighed, seeing it was Newt. “You terrified me.”

“Aw, poor little Tommy.” He kissed my cheek, arms looped comfortably around my waist. He looked at the present, as if trying to see through the wrapping paper. “I’m dying to see what’s in that.”

“Tomorrow,” I said, holding it out of his reach. He sighed and pouted.

The rest of the day was amazing. Newt and I cuddled to the point that even Nick pretended to gag, and we all badly sang Christmas songs all day long. Well, except Newt, who actually could sing. Minho pretended to be offended that we hadn’t waited to start the celebration till he got back, and dramatically stated that he shouldn’t have gotten presents for any of us as he swept himself and his bags upstairs. Newt and I shared an eyeroll.

That night we had a fire, and the tree was lit with great ceremony and cheering. I leaned back against Newt’s chest where we sat on the end of the couch. My world was wonderful. Really, unbelievably wonderful. I had the best boyfriend in the world, I could tell already.

I woke up to excited banging on the door. Newt groaned. 

“I guess Santa came after all,” he said. “Every year someone leaves a ton of presents for each and every one of us, but no one knows who it is. I suspect Minho. He’s always shifty around Christmas.”

“Sounds like him,” I agreed, rolling over to face him. I smiled. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas to you, too, Tommy m’love.” He tapped the tip of my nose. “Now, let’s go downstairs before someone comes in here to drag us by the hair.”

We got dressed and I not so casually stopped Newt from putting a sweatervest on. “It’ll be too hot down there, with everyone in the room and the fire.” He nodded, but I could tell he didn’t accept that explanation. I couldn’t exactly tell him to wait till he opened my present, though.

Sonya and Harriet had matching Santa hats on, and Teresa and Brenda had matching red and green elf dresses. That were far, far too short. That was just like them. Brenda hadn’t officially moved in, but it seemed like she was here more often than not, dragging Teresa off conspicuously. At least Teresa was happy. 

Newt was a present-wrangler this year, handing them out from under the tree. He winked at me as he handed me a present from him. I waited to open it until everyone’s presents were handed out and he sat down with me.

Newt held up Minho’s present for me to see with a ‘really?’ look. Hello Kitty reading glasses. I smirked. 

I’d never had such a great Christmas. I got a hat, gloves, a few gift cards, and some amazing person had given me the new Rachel Platten album. I came to Newt’s present. He bit his lip, as if he was trying not to blurt out what it was. 

I opened the large, flat, rectangular package, finding an art kit. Pencils, so many pencils, erasers, charcoal, rulers, pastels. A protractor. So many pencils. And a graph pad. I stared at it all in awe, and then up at him. “I found your sketchbook a few weeks ago, and then I remembered you were majoring in architecture. I thought you might like something more than your Prismacolors.”

I hugged him, as tight as humanly possible. “It’s perfect.” He’d gotten this before we were even together, that’s how good a friend he was. I saw that day that other people were similarly touched by his thoughtfulness.

He rubbed my back, trying to brush off the significance of the gift. “Aw, Tommy. It’s nothing.”

I shook my head, still hugging him. “It’s perfect. Best Christmas present ever.”

“Well, we’ll see about that. We haven’t gotten to the mystery presents yet, and I haven’t opened mine from you yet.”

He reached for it. I couldn’t help feeling like I could’ve done better, considering what he’d done for me. He grinned, holding it up. “I love it! Here, give me a hand.” I took the other presents off his lap so he could pull it on without scattering everything. “It’s so soft,” he said, running a hand down it. “Thank you, Tommy.”

I grinned. “Anytime.”

After everyone had gone around thanking everyone and the people I had gotten gifts for were done keeping me away from Newt, Minho jumped up on top of the coffee table, spreading his arms for attention. When he had it, he declared solemnly, “It appears that Santa has come to the Glade once more. Santa sees into the hearts of all, to their deepest desires, and lo! He got you exactly what you wanted.” He gracefully waved one arm to the left, and Sonya started handing out more present. Harriet copied her on the right when he waved the other arm.

I smirked at Newt. “It’s definitely him.”

We started unwrapping our presents. Newt blushed and refused to let me see. I wondered what on earth he’d gotten. My present was wonderful, but it still couldn’t hold a candle to Newt’s. 

“What’d you get?” Newt asked.

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.”

He blushed again. “No,” he whined. 

“Fine,” I said, wrapping mine back up. He sighed, but adamantly refused to let me see what he’d gotten. I was burning with curiosity. Minho didn’t look terribly surprised at his present, which was another arrow pointing at him as Santa.

When the day was over and Teresa’s parents had called to say Merry Christmas and they were sorry they hadn’t been able to come down, Newt and I snuggled up in bed again. I sighed happily, laying my head on his chest, already half-asleep. Asleep enough that my brain to mouth filter was entirely gone.

“I love you,” I said softly. “I know it’s way too soon, but I do.”

“Tommy…”

“Shh, don’t say anything. I just wanted you to know. You deserve to.”

He held me a little tighter and kissed the top of my head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey peeps. Happy Halloween and Happy NANOWRIMO!!!! I may take a bit of a break from this to work on my NANOWRIMO novel, just FYI, but I AM NOT ABANDONING THIS!!


	19. Chapter 19

A month later, I was starting to worry about my sleepy confession. I did love Newt. But saying it so soon must’ve been the wrong thing to do. We’d been on a couple more dates and made love several times. We were happy. More than happy. 

But something about Newt’s manner was off. It was barely noticable, but something was bothering him. I never knew how to bring it up. It didn’t ever seem like the right time. It worried me. What we had was precious and so open. Why he was somehow closed off just didn’t make sense.

I put my pen down. What was the point of trying to finish my assignments if I couldn’t even concentrate? I needed to talk about this with him. I had to. I was just plucking up the courage to go find him when he came into the room.

"Tommy, I…I need to talk to you about something, if that's okay," he said, sitting on his bed.

He looked really nervous. Like, really nervous. He was chewing at his lip and actually sitting on the bed, feet on the floor, instead of his typical casual flopping onto the mattress. I nodded, trying to keep my expression as open as possible. Even if I wanted to know what was bothering him, I didn't want Newt to be nervous. Especially not with me. 

"I, uh." He frowned at his hands in his lap, sitting stiffly. "Well…” 

I sat down on my bed, facing him, and waited for him to speak, thinking that giving him some time rather than pressuring him to talk was the best option here. He was quiet for a few moments, before looking up at me and saying quickly,

"Tommy, we've got a good relationship, right? You're happy? You trust me?" He looked at me funny. I couldn't decipher the gaze. It was something like worry, but not quite.

I blinked, startled. "Of course we do, Newt. I'm very happy. Aren't you?" I started to worry that maybe I'd ruined everything. That maybe he'd changed his mind. Was he breaking up with me? Surely not, his wording wasn't right for that. Was it? "We're…we're okay, right?" I asked, frowning a little.

"Yeah, yeah, I didn't mean it that way. I'm so bloody happy with you, Tommy, you don’t even know. We're fine. I just needed to make sure. You trust me, right?"

I nodded and smiled at him. "Of course."

He seemed to relax a little. Just a little, but enough to be noticed. Or maybe I just pay too close attention to Newt. It was hard not to, really. "Have you heard of BDSM?"

I nodded, a litte hesitantly. I wondered where this was going. "I've heard a little. Not much."

"Is that...Tommy, it's absolutely fine to say no, okay? I need you to be honest, please. Is that something you'd be willing to try?" I'd rarely seen him this earnest. I wasn't sure if I liked it.

I frowned, considering. I'd never thought about trying it before. I knew next to nothing on the subject, and of course I’d been closeted and all, but this was Newt. I trusted him, and if this was something he wanted to try, then okay. I'd try it. But I needed to check and make sure that trying it was all we were doing. I didn't want to sign myself up for something it turned out I didn't like without realising it. "Just try it?"

"Yes, you could back out at anytime. And if you don't want to at all, that's absolutely fine, okay? I'm not going to pressure you. We've got a lovely thing going on as is, in my opinion, but I'm a Dom, and you show some submissive tendencies. I'm 100% fine with not ever doing that, though, okay?" He frowned at me, apparently trying to drill that into my head.

"I understand. I…I'll try it, but I can't guarantee anything."

"Of course not. You're sure you're okay with trying it?" I nodded. "Okay. Well, you need to understand it more before we actually try anything. I want you to research it a bit, make sure you understand it. We'll do a lot of talking about it--believe me, a lot--and then maybe we'll try it, if you're still okay with it. You can back out at any time, okay? Seriously."

I nodded again. "I know. I'll go do some reading." I smiled. He gave me a tiny smile in return and stood up.

"C'mere, Tommy," he said, holding his arms out. I eagerly stepped into the hug. He rocked from side to side, soft cheek against mine. His cheeks were always soft, like a new maple leaf. I leaned into him. "I'm happy you're willing to try it, Tommy. I really am. But whatever we decide, I still care about you a bloody lot, okay?"

I smiled. "I know, Newt. I know."

He slowly let me go, hands sliding from my shoulders to my elbows as he stepped back. I enjoyed the touch. I always enjoyed Newt's touches. I gave him another smile and grabbed my laptop off my bed.

"Think I'll go down to the library to, uh look into this. That alright?"

"Of course, whatever you're comfortable with. I'll be here."

"Mmkay. Be back in a little while." I kissed him on the cheek and I was off.

***

It was hard to focus on anything while Tommy was gone. I tried reading, tried working on a paper, tried messing with some music, but nothing worked. I eventually just flopped onto the bed and thought. This was a sensitive subject we were on. Tommy could take this the wrong way, and I didn't want that. I just wanted him to give it a try, if he was okay with that. I sure as bloody hell wasn't going to force him into it.

That was when Tommy burst in, pale and near tears. I jumped up.

"I can't do that. Newt, please. I can't. Please," he whispered. I moved to go hold him, wondering what the shuck had happened. He flinched away towards the door, tears beginning to flow.

"Crikey, Tommy. Easy, love, easy there." I held my hands out placatingly. "I don't know what you've seen or read, but I will never hurt you, okay, precious? Never. I just want to come over there and hug you. Just like I always do when you're upset. Just hug you, okay? Not gonna hurt you."

He nodded, shaking a little. I slowly, slowly, oh so slowly went over to him and held my arms out, carefully wrapping them around him. He instantly leaned against me, choking back a sob.

"Can we lie down? Just to cuddle. Good, old-fashioned, harmless cuddling." He nodded into my shoulder, so I gently guided him to my bed, taking the laptop and setting it down on the desk as we passed it. I got his coat off, too, and we lay down. I snuggled him properly. Pet his hair, nuzzled him, pressed kisses to his forehead, the works. He calmed down a bit and some color came back to his cheeks.

"It's okay, I promise. You're safe."

"I...I know. I'm better now," he said, pulling back. He did look better, I had to say. That didn't stop me worrying about him, though.

"Can you show me what scared you so much, Tommy? So I understand what you're thinking?"

He nodded, hesitantly. I reached for the laptop. "It's the second tab," he said. “I...I'll wait outside. I can't see that again. I'm sorry."

"No, Tommy, it's fine. I don't want you to be scared, okay? It's fine. You go ahead. I'll call you when I want you to come back in."

He nodded and left rather too quickly for my liking. I sighed and clicked play on the video.

When it was over I felt absolutely horrible for not having thought through what all Tommy would potentially find researching BDSM on the internet. Bloody hell, I was an idiot. It absolutely wasn’t all chains and whips, but some of it was. I called him and he came in immediately, looking better but sheepish. I jumped up and went over to him quickly, holding him close.

"Tommy, precious, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so, sorry. You never should have seen that. I should have had stuff prepared. I'd never do that, darling. Never."

"I'm okay," he murmured.

"You are now, but you weren't earlier and that's not what should've happened. Come sit down, love." I guided him to the bed and put my arm around his waist when we sat down, pulling him to lean on me a bit. "BDSM can be divided into three sort of categories; B&D, or bondage and discipline, D&S, dominance and submission, and S&M, sadism and masochism. What you found was S&M, of a somewhat extreme variety. That's not at all what I want for us, okay? I don't even know how you managed to find that. I never want to genuinely hurt or frighten you, never ever ever. And I failed in that today, turning you loose on the web with vague instructions. I'm sorry."

"It's okay." He took a shaky breath.

"I've got two things I want you to watch. They're more what we would do. I just want you to watch them, alright? We can talk when you're done, or tomorrow, or next week, or we can never speak of this again, but I need you to watch them, I really need you to, Tommy. I need you to know what it would be like for real between the two of us. I don't want us to leave this the way it is. I don't want you to be scared."

"Okay," he said softly. I kissed him on the cheek, gently.

"They're on the second and third tabs. I'll be right outside, love." I kissed him again and waited outside, pacing. Honest to goodness, these two were genuinely what I'd meant. I just hoped this would help Tommy. When he called me, I rushed in to find him near tears again. My heart sank and I started to panic, but he cut me off before I could say anything.

"I-I want that," he said thickly. "I want that." He came over and hugged me, burying his face in the crook of my neck. I put my arms around him, calming down a little. "I think...I think I need that," he whispered.

"I've got you, Tommy," I said, the only thing I could think of to say. He sighed and pressed a little closer, relaxing. I rubbed his back. "We won't talk now, but we've got several hours conversation about this coming up."

He nodded into my shoulder. "I know. I want that, though. I want to be yours."

I felt a little something twist in my heart. "My little Tommy," I whispered. He sighed again, relaxing even more. I started to tell him I loved him. But I couldn’t. That would…I couldn’t let the past repeat itself.

   

"Yours," he murmured.

I smiled and leaned my head against his. “Come on, let’s lie down for a bit, you'll be right as rain in a minute or two."

So we ended up cuddling, for the umpteenth time that day. But hey. I'm not one to turn down cuddling Tommy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOD I'M SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG

**Author's Note:**

> So, yeah, I have way too much time on my hands, don't I?


End file.
